Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 38

Perhaps because of today’s matter.

At night, Duan Jia Xu has a dream.

He dreams about when he got the admission notice from Nan Wu University. A week before registration, his mother, Xu Ruo Shu, prepared the money for him to go to the college, but those money once again snatched away by so-what “creditor”.

He dreams that night.

Their apartment was already sold, they rented an apartment with a living room and a bedroom. The bedroom was for Xu Ruo Shu to sleep, and he slept in the living room.

During the summer vacation, Duan Jia Xu looked for several jobs as private tutor and part-time jobs. So everyday he would go home late.

That day the time he returned home, he heard Xu Ruo Shu was on the phone.

She was calling her Da Bo (brother-in-law). One who always helped her when she raised her only son.

In the living room

Xu Ruo Shuo called and greeted him.

“Da Ge, our A Xu has passed an university exam of Nan Wu University.”

Then she turned silent for a while, it seemed hard to speak about it.

There’re lots of things behind her sentence. She couldn’t hide it.

“Nan Wu University, is a good university.

My son passes that examination to enter that university.

But I have no money.

For attending that university, he finds himself a lot of part-time jobs to earn money. It’s all my bad.

Could you……. lend me several thousand?”

The next moment, Da Bo starts to call her names.

“Aren’t you guys shameless? Are you guys the only one that suffer? What is my duty to help you guys? I also have kids to raise up! I also want to live! You keep on borrowing money! Wow! Go away!”

Duan Jia Xu immediately went over and took the phone from her. He hung up.

The room turned quiet.

Xu Ruo Shu stays silent for a while then suddenly covers her eyes. She starts to cry. She mumbles: “Mama let you down… mama let you down……”

When he was in junior high school, Duan Jia Xu never lacked of money. So he never feels that money is important.

But when the accident happened.

He just knows that money can give a lot of changes in life.

Duan Jia Xu watched at his mother, who used to be bright and confident, gradually crumbled. She changes to be timid and inferior. She fell ill and aged quickly.

That time Duan Jia Xu, who was just barely an adult, knelt down in front of Xu Ruo Shu. He looks at her and smiles “Ma, do you believe me? Those money, I will earn it back.”


“You don’t need to borrow from anyone else. I’ll earn my own money. I’ll support you.” He said gently: “I will let you go back to live your good life.”



—Just wait, okay?

Duan Jia Xu wakes up from that dream.

The sky is not dark, the room is still dark. He doesn’t have any kind of sleepiness on him. He stands up and goes out to his bedroom to the living room. He pours a glass of water and takes out two ice cubes to put it inside the glass.

Now it’s 03:00 a.m.

Duan Jia Xu stands up beside the dining table and takes his phone.

He notices that Qian Fei is going crazy in their group chat.

Qian Fei: [Brothers!!]

Qian Fei: [ I ! Will! Get marry!]

Qian Fei: [Hahahahahaha!]

Qian Fei: [ My proposal is a success!]

Qian Fei: [ I am too emotional that I couldn’t sleep. But I want to tell you guys! Hahaha!]

Qian Fei: [ Are you guys sleeping?]

Duan Jia Xu replies: [No.]

The next moment, his phone rings. Qian Fei calls him.

Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrows and takes his glass to go to the living room. He answers the call.

“Lao Xu, how could you not sleep at this time?” Qian Fei acts as carefree as he uses to be. “You also have no s*x life.”

Duan Jia Xu laughs lightly and says: “Bye.”

“…..” Qian Fei says: “Wait, I haven’t said anything to you! Do you know did I propose? Today isn’t it a night to step into the New Year?…….”

Duan Jia Xu leans on the sofa and listens to him.

After a while, Qian Fei finishes his sharing of this experience. He says excitedly: “What is it? Awesome right?”


“Tonight why don’t you say anything to me?”

“Em? Maybe because you want to get marry.” Duan Jia Xu says carelessly, “It’s too heartbroken. In the past, didn’t you say that it’s passable just to be with me?”

“…….” Qian Fei says: “Don’t make myself feel disgusted? That time I was so drunk, how could you still remember it?’

Duan Jia Xu doesn’t joke anymore, he smiles: “Okay, congrats Bro!”

“Ay, right.” He laughs: “Last time did you to the blind-date?”

“I just mentioned it to you as casually.” Duan Jia Xu says lazily: “To how many people have you talked about this?”

“No, how couldn’t you find the one?” Qian Fei says: “If not you could come to Nan Wu, a lot of women from our university like you? I’ll prepare a blind-date for you, then you could choose the one that you like?”

Duan Jia Xu laughs lowly: “Just spare me.”

“If I look like you, dammit, I’ll change my girlfriend each day.”

“Aren’t you afraid that your wife will hear it?”

“She’s not here.” I really curious. You should have someone that you like right?’


Qian Fei is surprised: “Then what about someone that you have good opinion with?”

Duan Jia Xu is silent like he is agreeing tacitly. Qian Fei immediately says: “Wow, there’s a situation.”


“Who is it?”

Duan Jia Xu makes a lie: “You don’t know her, she is a bit younger.”

“How old she is?” Qian Fei says: “She wouldn’t be still not born yet?”

He laughs: “Not that young.”

“If it’s underage, I’ll not say anything. But if she is an adult and you don’t dare to chase after her, then I’ll look down on you.”

“You are done right? You should sleep now.” Duan Jia Xu doesn’t want to chat about this matter again. “Married man.”

“You aren’t done yet!


Duan Jia Xu hangs up.

Then he goes to the front of his television. He takes his photo with Sang Zhi then goes back to the bedroom. He places it on the bedside cabinet.

Duan Jia Xu looks at it for several seconds.

No matter how he look at it, she is still a kid.

What is he thinking about.

Maybe it’s because he has been single for a long time.

Duan Jia Xu sighs and says three words like his reminder.

“Xiao Peng You (little friend)”


Sang Zhi feels that tonight Duan Jia Xu is a bit strange. Then she recalls what happened and feels a bit worried whether her response was too intense or not.

But she feels if he knows her feeling, his response wouldn’t be like that.

After the New Year’s Day, she recalls about something else. Sang Zhi asks Duan Jia Xu through the WeChat whether that woman has looked for him again. Hearing his negative answer, she turns relieved.

She doesn’t feel twisted about it and focuses on her examination.

On the 20th, the last day of examination week.

Sang Zhi books in advance the ticket at 21st afternoon to fly back home. she plans to take taxi then goes to the nearest bus station to the airport.

She is the earliest one to go home.

In advance four of them have agreed before they are going back home, they will find a night to go together and play. So after the last exam, they don’t return to their dorm and just directly goes to the Japanese restaurant to eat.

After the meal, Yu Xin suggests: “There’s a newly-opened bar, do you guys want to go over and play?”

Ning Wei blinks her eyes: “Could I bring my boyfriend?”

Yu Xin: “Okay ah.”

Wang Ruo Lan: “Then I also want to ask out my ‘Prince Charming’ together!”

Most of the guests of the newly-opened bar are the college students. So from time to time they are there, they meet several people that they know. The boss of the bar is also the graduate student of Yi He University.

Sang Zhi and friends from her department has came over here before, they have no complain or objection.

Yu Xin: “Ay, Ruo Lan, have you gotten him?”

“Almost.” Wang Ruo Lan starts to type words into her phone. She smiles and says: “I feel that he also has a same feeling as me, he also asked me to go home together with car.”

Sang Zhi drinks her water.

“Ay, actually I am interested with the Xiao Ge Ge in the bar. Later on you will see him. He is the one that plays guitar.” Yu Xin says: “I feel as long as you are not ugly, woman could get anything man she could.”

Sang Zhi stops drinking.

Yu Xin looks at her face on her phone and says narcissistically: “If I go after him, then I could get him? I feel I’m quite beautiful.”

The other two start to pamper her.

Sang Zhi picks up her chopsticks and finishes the last sushi on the table.

Ning Wei turns her head and notices Sang Zhi’s silence. Then he asks: “Ay, Sang Sang, you are in a bad mood right? Why aren’t you talking?”

“No.” Sang Zhi regains herself and smiles: “I am listening to you guys.”


Probably because it’s a newly-opened bar, Sang Zhi expects it to be crowded. But when she is there, only few people are there.

Ning Wei’s boyfriend is called over too. Then her boyfriend also calls Jiang Ming. Jiang Ming naturally sits down beside Sang Shi.

Sang Zhi never talks to him face-to-face, they just usually communicate through WeChat. She looks at him and doesn’t feel awkward. But she also doesn’t take initiative to chat with him.

Jiang Ming is a handsome, single eyelid man. He is skinny and tall. His smile is bright like sunshine man.

The group starts to play dice.

Sang Zhi couldn’t play that so she doesn’t join the game. She just sits alone on the side and plays with her phone. She feels somewhat in bad mood. Her mood is not very good today so that night she just be silent and drinks her beer.

This beer has a very good color, the scent is intense and sweet.

Sang Zhi feels that the taste is weird. It doesn’t compatible with her taste. But she has ordered and doesn’t want to waste it. She just forces herself to finish it.

Jiang Ming doesn’t play anymore and tries to talk with her. He points to the glass and reminds her; “This beer has a high alcohol, could you drink it?”

‘High?” Sang Zhi touches her face. “Then I’ll not drink it.”

Jiang Ming takes another a glass: “Just drink this one.”

Sang Zhi feels a bit dizzy, she shakes her head and says lowly: “It’s okay, I’ll not drink again. You could drink.”

Jiang Ming doesn’t force her: “Do you want to drink water?”

“No need, thank you.”

Sang Zhi looks around and wants to ask Yu Xin whether they want to go home with her to the dorm. In a next moment, her phone on her hold vibrates.

She looks at it.

It’s a call from Duan Jia Xu.

Sang Zhi answers it. “Ge Ge.”

“Em, tomorrow at 08:00 a.m. you…..” he hasn’t finished his words and hears noises from her side. He turns silent and asks: “Where are you?”

“I’m at the bar near the school.” Sang Zhi feels a bit uncomfortable, she says: “I come here with my roommates, but now I want to go home.”

Duan Jia Xu: “You’ll go home alone?”

Sang Zhi: “I’m asking whether they want to leave with me?”

“Are you drinking?”

“Em.” Sang Zhi doesn’t dare to be so honest. “Just a bit.”

Duan Jia Xu says calmly: “What is the name of the bar?”

Sang Zhi couldn’t remember it and looks at Jiang Ming to ask: “What is this bar called?”

Jiang Ming thinks about it, “It seems to be Xing Qi Ba,:

“Oh, thanks.” Sang Zhi looks back again and continues to talk with Duan Jia Xu and hesitates. “It seems to be Xing Qi Ba.”

Duan Jia Xu is silent for a while: “Em, just sit down there and wait a while, I’ll come over now.”

Sang Zhi: “Ah.” She couldn’t comprehend why he is coming so sudden. She says: “Why are you coming here, you also want to play?”

She could hear Duan Jia Xu closing the door, he says deeply and sexily: “Ge Ge is coming over to catch the drunkard.”



Sang Zhi feels suffocated to be inside the bar. She wears her coat and says goodbye to everyone else. “I’ll go back first. I haven’t tidied up things.”

Jiang Ming also stands up: “I’ll send you home.”

“No need, my Ge is waiting for me outside.”

Jiang Ming is startled: “Your house is right here?”

“No.” Sang Zhi blinks and waves her hand. “But my Ge is working here.”

She goes out of the bar.

It’s a cold outside. It’s a little bit snowing outside. The cold wind blows and it makes she turns a bit sober. She inhales the air. Then she takes out her glove and wears it slowly.

Sang Zhi rarely sees snow. This time she feels interested with it. She takes a twig and kneels down. She draws stick people.

She feels a bit powerless, her drawing is askew.

Because she kneels for a long time, she feels like she wants to throw up. So she just sits down on the ground.

Just in time Duan Jia Xu has arrived.

He parks the car on the roadside and gets off the car. He notices Sang Zhi, who is sitting nearby. He asks: “Sang Zhi, why are you sitting down here?”

“It’s wet.” Sang Zhi turns her head and says. “My trouser is wet.”

Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrows: “What?”

Sang Zhi wants to stand up but she has no strength: “Ge Ge, this snow is wet.”

“…….” Duan Jia Xu inhales and holds her wrists to pull her up. “How many have you drink?”

Sang Zhi mumbles; “just half a glass.”

“Half glass of what beer? Also who let you come over here?”

“I am an adult ah.” Sang Zhi lifts up her head and repeats seriously: “I’m an adult.”

“Even you are an adult, you shouldn’t….”

Sang Zhi cuts him off. “Why shouldn’t I?”

Duan Jia Xu just turns startled and bends his body to see her. He asks: “Xiao Sang Zhi, why are you angry?”

She feels a bit wronged, she feels suddenly she wants to cry. “You told me by yourself, that after I am an adult, I could do anything I want. No one will control me.”


“You said it by yourself.”

The thing she wants to do, the thing that she could do when she is an adult.

There is still one thing.

But after she is an adult, her courage seems to decrease.

In the past she didn’t dare to tell him that she likes him.

But now she has changed. She even doesn’t dare to like him.

It’s clear that others that in the same age as him, are very brave and bold to pursue after the partner they want, and express their own liking.

But why should she endure this?

She wants to contact her rarely but she also worried that he will be lonely.

“What is it?” Duan Jia Xu frowns. “Who are bullying you?”

Sang Zhi wipes her tears with her gloves and says depressingly: “Nothing.”

She is giddy and couldn’t walk steadily. She wants to sit down again on the ground. But Duan Jia Xu holds her, Sang Zhi leans on his body. She mumbles to herself. “I want to go home.”

Duan Jia Xu feels it funny and annoyed: ‘Tomorrow you will go home?”

“I am uncomfortable.” Sang Zhi frowns. “Ge Ge, I want to throw up.”

Duan Jia Xu takes off his coat and places it on her shoulder. “Then just throw up.”

Sang Zhi tries for a while. “I couldn’t do it.”

Duan Jia Xu says lightly: “Then let’s go and sit down nearby?”

“I couldn’t walk.” Sang Zhi shakes her head. “I’ll not go.”

“Ge Ge will carry you.”

Sang Zhi looks at him. After a while, she starts to cry and suddenly get angry. “I’ll not go, I’ll not go.”

“…..” Duan Jia Xu says. “Then let’s go to the car.”

“I don’t want.”

Duan Jia Xu wants to laugh. “Then Xiao Sang Zhi wants to stay here to catch a chill?”

Sang Zhi doesn’t respond to his words, or perhaps she doesn’t listen to him. “Ge Ge, could I tell you a secret?”


“I have, someone that I really like.” Sang Zhi looks down and sobs. “But he doesn’t like me.”


Duan Jia Xu couldn’t maintain his smile. “Who is it?”

Sang Zhi doesn’t answer it.

“Is he your internet boyfriend?” Duan Jia Xu asks hoarsely: “Or someone from your university?”

Sang Zhi looks at him and turns silence for a while. “I’ll not tell you.”

The fact she likes Duan Jia Xu.

Sang Zhi never tells with anyone.

No one.

Since the time she likes him, gives up, and couldn’t help but to keep on liking him.

She keeps it all by herself.

Only she knows about it all.

Duan Jia Xu asks: “You also couldn’t tell Ge Ge?”

Sang Zhi wants to say something but then she feels something surge up from her stomach. She suddenly lean forward and resting her upper body on his chest. She couldn’t control herself and just throws up on his body.


After a while, Sang Zhi stands up and seems to be a bit sober. She notices what she did and takes a step back. She says timidly: “I’m not doing this in purpose.

Because he is afraid that she will fall down, he holds her arm.

Sang Zhi struggles and takes few steps back again. She kneels down. “Don’t scold me.”

“……” Duan Jia Xu looks at his cloth and just takes it off. He then wears his coat again. He also kneels down in front of her and wipes her mouth with the dirty cloth. He says: “How could I scold you?”

Sang Zhi sobs. “Don’t be angry with me….”

Duan Jia Xu: “Stand up.”

“I don’t want.” Sang Zhi just sits down and acts like she will not move. “You definitely will be angry with me…..”

“I’ll not be angry at you.” Duan Jia Xu says patiently. “Get up, don’t get cold.”

Sang Zhi is somewhat alerted so she doesn’t move.

Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrows and asks: “Also when I have ever scolded you?”

Sang Zhi is silent.

“Where is this little drunkard coming from?” Duan Jia Xu isn’t angry, he smiles: “Stand up. Ge Ge’s cloth is dirty. I couldn’t carry you.”

Sang Zhi lowers her head and says:”Then you couldn’t mind me.”

“Em. Indeed I don’t really want to mind.” Duan Jia Xu kneels down in front of her with his back facing her. “But I’m a bit hate to do it with you.”


“Get on.” Duan Jia Xu says; “Ge Ge will carry you on my back.”


2 Replies to “Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 38”

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