The haze is getting serious, the sky is not seen; The living room is silent, the porridge is boiling inside the pot.
Xu Qin leans on the kitchen counter and lowers her head. Her tears just fall down one by one by its own.
Time passes minute by minute second by second, She says nothing.
Song Yan just turns off the stove.
The porridge stops boiling.
He says nothing and turns his back to leave. He even doesn’t say any goodbye.
The time he passes by her shoulder, Xu Qin’s eyes are covered with tears.
She stands there quietly. She hears him go out of the apartment and everything in the apartment turns quiet.
She couldn’t bear the heartbreak. She straightens her lips, she doesn’t make any sound. Her shoulder is trembling. She bends her body and couldn’t stand up straight. She couldn’t control her emotion. She clutches the table and tries to restrain. Finally she stops.
She calms herself down. She comes toward the pot and scoops a bowl of porridge. She starts to eat.
Bite and bite, it’s a bit hot. Hot till her tears once again fall down. She just wipes her cheek. It’s strange, it’s clear that he puts nothing inside the porridge, there’s no seafood, veggies, sugar, salt. It’ just a plain porridge, how could she feel something sweet on it?
She takes a deep breath and once again wipes her tears. She finishes her first bowl and the second bowl.
She stands beside the stove and unexpectedly she could finish the whole pot.
She washes the pot, bowl and the spoon. She also wipes clean the stove. Everything is returning to normal like nothing has happened.
This mid-afternoon, she should go to work. This is what she likes about being a doctor. She is so busy and has no time to think about her own feeling. Whether it’s really bad or good, it’s okay.
It’s suit her so much.
She goes and freshens up herself and then leaves the apartment. Downstair unexpectedly she meets Meng Yan Chen. He says that he bring her a lunch.
Xu Qin says: “I already ate.”
She wears her mask so he couldn’t see her expression. Her gaze is cold and calm, her eyes are red. Meng Yan Chen could guess what is happening, he is worried for her to drive her own car. “Let me send you to the hospital.”
Xu Qin doesn’t refuse.
The time the car gets into the main road, Xu Qin suddenly speaks up: “Actually yesterday you didn’t need to take me back home. Even if you don’t remind me, I wouldn’t dare.”
Meng Yan Chen drives his car and says nothing else.
“What are you afraid of, Meng Yan Chen? You think that have grown up and become independent, then I would fly away and give up everything? Xu Qin looks at the window and asks: “Do you know how does animal trainer train animal? —— The time the animal is small, hit it, lock it, starve it, spoil it, cherish it, feed it. The time it grows up and has energy, as long as it sees basin and whip, it still couldn’t dare to struggle and go outside.”
Meng Yan Chen’s Adam’s Apple move. He shows his sad expression. Xu Qin seems to talk about another person’s story.
“You guys said that he doesn’t deserve me. Actually it’s me, who don’t deserve him. Being together with him, I feel that I could hurt him anytime. Because —— I am a despicable person.”
“Just like previously if I didn’t change my family name, I wouldn’t be your Mei Mei. I could keep on liking you. But I wouldn’t be part of Meng family. I would lose this family and be alone and have no one. If liking you let me lose my Papa Mama, let me lose my family’s shelter. Let me lose beautiful room delicious food. Losing my free and privileged life. Ge, then it’s better to not like you.
I’m sorry, I want everything. That time I wanted Papa Mama, I wanted you. But now I want Song Yan, but I couldn’t. Because I have no courage, I have no gut. I am not brave enough to face, I could only hide away. I have no energy to love, I have no right to love. I am unworthy for anyone to love me. Really.” Xu Qin says: “I’m sorry.”
These years she never expresses her feeling whether it is now or in the past. She just keeps it inside her heart.
Meng Yan Chens’ heart is so painful and numb. His eyes are sad, he seems to be unable to control himself. He lowers down his window and let the cool wind comes inside the car. He takes the breath deeply and forces to press down his feeling.
But compare to pain, he feels a bit scared. He seems that there’s something dead inside of Xu Qin. As if in the future she would be more silent than now. Her life would be so dark that there’s no sign of light.
He wants to say something to her, but there’s no much time. The journey to the hospital is short. They would arrive in front of the hospital soon.
The time Xu Qin opens the door, Meng Yan Chen suddenly suggests: “Just go abroad.”
Xu Qin stops.
Meng Yan Chen says: “Qin Qin, I’ll take you abroad. Let’s not go back to Di City anymore, okay?”
Xu Qin turns silent for a moment like she is considering it seriously. At last she just shakes her head and gets off the car.
There’s half an hour left before her shift starts, Xu Qin goes to the psychiatry department. She looks for her colleagues, Pan Qing Qing, who studied abroad together with her before.
Xu Qin wants to find her to let her prescribe medicines for helping her to sleep and controlling her feeling.
At first Pan Qing Qing wasn’t willing to prescribe it for her, she asks her to lay down for half an hour to chat. But half hour later, Xu Qin doesn’t say anything.
No matter how Pan Qing Qing tries to enlighten her, she just be silent like a mute.
Pan Qing Qing is helpless. At last she just prescribes her medicine but doesn’t dare to prescribe too much. She just asks her to come by again few days later.
Xu Qin takes the medicine and leaves without making any noise
Di Miao is called by her mother to go home during the class, her mother says that something happens at home.
She takes a cab to rush home. She is agitated, she opens up Song Yan’s bedroom and notices there’s nothing different. In this broad day light, the curtain is pulled close. The room is a bit dark, Song Yan is sleeping on the sofa while covered with his own coat.
Because she opens the door, the room has light on it. It wakes Song Yan up, he frowns.
Di Miao releases her breath, she comes over: “My ma told me to come home ——“ It stops abruptly when she smells a strong alcohol smell.
Since he be a solider, it’s been ten years since Song Yan touched any drop of alcohol
After being firefighters he also never drinks. Even if she is on holiday, she wouldn’t drink any alcohol to take precaution if he gets any emergency call.
With this condition, Di Miao knows that he is hurt ruthlessly. She is worried and panic, she looks at the empty bottles around. She is shocked: “You drank all of this?”
Song Yan frowns because of the light, he says: “Close the door.”
Di Miao notices that he is still has consciousness, she is relieved and closes the door.
The room turns dark again.
Di Miao feels sad and sorry for him.
She sits down on the ground and wants to provoke him: “What is it? Didn’t I say to you that her drunk words are not counted, you didn’t listen to me and just went to her. It’s great right now, you are dump right?”
She thinks Song Yan would scold her but he doesn’t do that. His voice is hoarse and low. He says: “Em, she doesn’t choose me.”
Di Miao’s heart turns even unwell. Her family cherishes her Ge Ge, she even worships him since she was little. How could someone trample him like a mud. She is so angry: “It’s because she is blind.”
Song Yan says nothing and shakes his head.
She wants to say something more, but she knows that he is too tired. She just let him covers his eyes and sleep.s
In the dark, Di Miao watches him.
His breath turns deep. His face is not calm like he is in suffering.
Di Miao is so heartbroken, she couldn’t help but to say: “This time you wold have no more illusion about this matter right? Ge, if you are feeling unwell then just let it off, okay? You could do anything. But let me beg you, don’t mind her anymore okay? What is so good about her? I never see any person like him. She is so cold——“
Song Yan: “D*mm*t, shut up.”
His words sound weak like he is scolding a person who disturbs his sleep.
He frowns and flips his body and continues his sleep.
Di Miao doesn’t dare to disturb him, she just stays put and accompanies him. She thinks that he is sleeping yet he suddenly speaks up: “She is not that kind of person.”
Then it’s a moment of silence again.
Di Miao sits there peacefully and says nothing. She doesn’t comment and just waits for him to continue.
His back is facing her, he takes a deep breath and says with a low voice: “She is the most inferior person that I have ever met.”
“She clearly wants to be crazy, wants to stir up trouble, she wants to be wild, she wants to be free. She wants to disobey, wants to do bad things but she doesn’t dare. She pretends to be strong and determined. She acts unkindly. Yet actually she is just outwardly strong but inwardly weak. With her temper —-“ He pauses for a moment and laughs: “If she really gets married with a man in that social circle, she would be dead because she would be bullied.”
He laughs, yet there’s tear on his eyes: “She would be dead because she is bullied.”
Di Miao’s tears also start to fall down. She raises her head to look at the ceiling. She says: “It’s her own choice, who could she blame?”
Song Yan says nothing else.
It’s his fault, he couldn’t give her any courage to choose him.
These years, he never regrets his every choice, but if that year, he could kneel down and beg that person………