Today there’s a red warning for haze, the courtyard looks hazy today.
Di Miao is kneeling down on the east wing’s stairways near the entrance. She is tying her shoelaces slowly. When the bedroom on the west wing is open. Di Miao immediately stands up: “Ge!”
Song Yan ignores her and goes to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth.
Di Miao is standing outside the bathroom and asks with a low voice: “Would you go to find her?”
Song Yan still doesn’t say anything, he gargles. Then he washes his face, wipes it and shaves his mustache.
Di Miao notices that he is unwilling to talk to her. She sighs and holds her backpack. She wants to just leave. But because she feels unwell, she returns back to his side: “Ge, I want to remind you something. She was drunk.”
Di Miao says: “She was preoccupied to unburden herself, she had not rationality on her. What’s between you guys not done yet. If you go to her, what if it keeps on be a mess?”
“I know.” Song Yan speaks up and straightens his lips.
Di Miao is startled.
Song Yan doesn’t say anything much, he just lifts his chin to shave his mustache.
Last time when they parted at Si Xi Di, it’s been half month since they met each other. It is enough to say that she doesn’t plan to look for him again. This time if it’s not Zhan Xiao Rao disrupted and provoked her, her time and rational will whittle away everything.
In the course of time if the destiny happens due to an unexpected turn of events.Though they are in the same city, they wouldn’t meet each other again. They had been separated for ten years.
Anyway this woman is good at being calm and noiseless.
Di Miao grieves and feels bitter about it: “Then why do you—— still want to find her? Ge, you are twenty eight years old. You are not eighteen years old. If you keep on playing crazy, you would collapse!”
Song Yan lowers his eyes and puts down his razor. He washes his hands and turns silent. He asks: “Di Miao, after what happened last night, if I don’t find her, what would happen?”
Di Miao is a woman, of course she knows everything clearly: “Then even I am dead, I wouldn’t look for you again.”
“So I would look for her.” Song Yan looks at the mirror again and continues to shave.
Di Miao is startled, she is unable to respond.
Yes, he has no other choice.
Go find her, it might not have a good result; but if he doesn’t go find her, the result would be decisive.
Though the situation has reached the step which everything couldn’t turn around. All along he still be unwilling to let go.
Di Miao says with a soft voice: “Ge, you really like her that much?
Song Yan says nothing.
Di Miao: “Didn’t you sayt that it’s better for not meet, then don’t meet again.”
Song Yan says: “but she came to find me, I should go over and pick her up.”
Di Miao doesn’t understand, she looks at the door: “Did she come?”
Song Yan tidies up himself and exits the bathroom to return to his bedroom. “Go to the class. NO need to mind my business.”
“Ay ——“ Di Miao still wants to say something. Song Yan has closed the door.
Xu Qin wakes up and notices that she is at Meng family house. She turns flabbergasted. She knows that she was drunk last night, yet she doesn’t understand why Meng Yan Chen and Xiao Yi Xiao sent her back.
Now it’s 09:00 a.m., everyone has gone to work.
It’s great, she also could be alone and calm down herself.
She flips her body and closes her eyes. She buries her head between her knees. She remembers only last night in detail though it’s a bit indistinct. She remembers that she went to Song Yan’s house and had a drunken fit there.
Her face turns hot and red. She feels embarrassed and annoyed.
She shouldn’t drink a lot of alcohol. She shouldn’t be delirious and go and find him.
She has iced over another layer of ice on their relationship. She seems to have made a deadlock.
Her phone suddenly ring, it’s a call from Song Yan.
Xu QIn doesn’t know whether she should be happy or worried. She hesitates for few seconds and then answers it: “Hello?”
Song Yan’s voice is not too loud: “It’ me.”
Xu Qin lowers her voice: “I know ah.”
Song Yan: “Are you awake?”
Xu Qin: “Em.”
It’s a short silence.
Song Yan asks again: “Where are you ?”
Xu Qin: “At home.”
Song Yan says: “I’ll come over and pick you up.”
Xu Qin: “I’m at home in the west side.”
Song Yan doesn’t say anything and just be silent.
Xu Qin: “Then you wait for me for a while. I’ll go back soon.”
Song Yan: “Okay………. bye.”
Xu Qin: “Em.”
She puts down her phone and buries her face on the pillow. She had exposed herself —- not only to Song Yan but his family members.
She couldn’t retreat.
She has a lot of different complicated feelings, she has headache.
She goes freshen up and goes downstair to get ready to leave. The time she looks back, she notices the end of corridor, Fu Wen Ying’s study room’s door is open.
Xu QIn thinks that she is at home so she wants to go over and greet her.
But the time she goes over, there’s no one over. There’re only maids cleaning around and forgetting about closing the door. She didn’t expect that everything is still the same.
Last time she was inside Fu Wen Ying’s study room, she was just a teenager.
She looks at the red wood desk and the carpet. Her breath turns deep. She suddenly recalled the young Meng Qin standing there. She was frightened and her legs were shaking in fear.
Fu Wen Ying was sitting there with her cold voice.
She came over that time and held Fu Wen Ying’s arm. She said: “Mama —-“
Fu Wen Ying shook her hand away: “I’m not your Mama. I have no disobedient kid like you.”
She said nothing and just shook in fear.
“Haven’t I tell you to not date any man? you don’t love yourself. You want to be with him, then you don’t need to study. You don’t need to come home again. In the future, don’t call me Mama again!”
She was startled for so long and held Fu Wen Ying’s arm again: “Mama——“
Fu Wen Ying shook her hand once again. Her face turns cold. She says: “Qin Qin, later if you listen Mama’s words, Mama would send you abroad and give you the best life; but if you keep on being stubborn and do what do you want and don’t care about the family, Mama now would send you back to Liang city. You wouldn’t be able to come back to Di city. In the future you would have no Papa, Mama, Ge Ge. You will have no family. Even you go to Papa and Ge Ge and cry in front of them, it’ll be useless. I would do what I say.”
She was startle again, her hand fell down from her Mama’s hem of shirt.
Fu Wen Ying stood up, she planned to walk away. Finally Xu Qin spoke up: “Mama, I would listen to you.”
Xu Qin remembers that year, that young girl was standing there. She couldn’t defend herself, she didn’t cry. She just be silent and accepted everything.
She was standing there alone and helplessly just like when she was young, her parents were fighting with each other in the bedroom. She could only watch them fighting. It’s her nightmare.
Xu Qin closes the door of Fu Wen Yin’s study room. She stands there for a while and wears her mask. She leaves.
The time she arrives in front of Zong Lu Hua Yuan area, Song Yan is there. He is standing under an evergreen tree and smoking. He is wearing a grey slim-fit coat. He looks so skinny.
Looking at Xu Qin, he just throws his cigarette away.
Xu Qin’s mask covers her face, it just shows her eyes. She asks: “Why don’t you wear your mask?”
Today the haze is really serious.
Song Yan says: “I forget.”
Xu Qin takes out a mask from her pocket and passes it to him: “I bring once more.”
Song Yan takes it and wears it. He asks her: “Have you eaten your breakfast?”
Xu Qin shakes her head.
Song Yan’s gaze stops on her eyebrow, he asks: “What do you want to eat?”
Xu Qin says: “I want to eat porridge.”
Song Yan: “What kind?”
Xu Qin: “White porridge……. just a plain one.”
The porridge store nearby doesn’t sell any plain porridge.
Xu Qin: “I have water and rice grain at home.”
Two of them have mutual understanding so they go to the area. They don’t have any words toward each other. They enter the elevator.
When they arrive at the apartment, Song Yan opens up the cupboard and looks at the brand new pack of rice grain. He asks: “You never cook at home, how could you buy a pack of rice grain?”
“This is sent by the hospital.” Xu Qin says.
Song Yan asks: “When did it send?”
Xu Qin: “I forget.”
Song Yan lowers his head and looks at the imprint. “Has this expired?”
Xu Qin: “the rice grain could get expired?”
Song Yan looks at the production date: “No.”
Song Yan just takes the pack of rice grain, he asks: “Do you have any scissors?”
He looks at her expression: “….. Em, or vegetable knife.”
Xu Qin finds a vegetable knife and passes it ot him.
Song Yan opens up the pack, Xu Qin just passes him the pot. Song Yan scoops a glass of rice grain. He fills the pot with the water. Xu Qin is puzzled: “Is it enough?”
Song Yan glances at her.
Xu Qin: “It seems to be so little.”
Song Yan says: “When it’s cooked, it would be a lot of.”
Xu Qin: “Oh.”
Song Yan places the pot on the stove, he starts to turn on the stove, but there’s no fire coming out.
Song Yan lowers his head and tries once more. He asks: “When the last time you used this stove?”
“…..” Xu Qin straightens her lips and says: “I never use it.”
Song Yan: “……”
Supposedly Xu Qin wants to make up, she turns her body and finds her phone. “It’s possible it is broken, I would call the property management.”
“Wait.” Song Yan stops, he kneels down and opens up the cupboard to look around. He glances at it and says: “The valve is not open.”
He turns the valve and stands up again to turn on the stove again. It is on.
“…..” Xu Qin asks: “Awesome.”
Song Yan: “……..”
Song Yan covers the pot with lid and then goes to lean on the kitchen counter. He waits for the water to boil. He is looking at the pot and doesn’t look at her. He asks: “You never eat at home?”
Xu Qin: “Em.”
Song Yan: “Then what do you usually eat? Takeaway?”
Xu Qin : “Takeaway, there’s also a dining hall at the hospital.” She is watching the pot too, she doesn’t look at him and asks: “What about you?”
Song Yan: “There’s a dining hall at the dining hall too…… If I am at home, Jiu Ma would cook.”
Xu Qin says: “Jiu Ma’s food is great.”
Song Yan: “Em.”
Both of them are silent for two seconds. The water finally boils and the rice grain starts to move.
Xu Qin continues to talk about the same topic: “Are the food in your dining hall is great?”
“Quite great.” Song Yan says: “What about yours?”
Xu Qin: “Just average, it’s not delicious.”
“Em. The boys, who are on cooking duty, are great at cooking. It should be better than the hospital.” Song Yan looks at at Xu Qin. Xu Qin watches him too.
Song Yan shifts his gaze and stands up to take off the cover of the lid. Xu Qin comes closer to watch.
Song Yan asks: “Are you hungry?”
Xu Qin: “Em.”
Song Yan: “Let’s wait for a while.”
Xu Qin: “Okay.”
Both of them continue to wait for the rice turns into a porridge. Perhaps it’s better for them to wait like this forever.
At last he speaks up: “Xu Qin.”
Xu Qin: “Em?”
Song Yan: “Do you remember what did you say yesterday?”
Xu Qin looks down and be silent; “I have things that I remember and things that I don’t remember.
“Em.” Song Yan asks, “You said that you’ll not come over again, do you still remember that?”
Xu Qin nods, then she says: “I remember.”
Song Yan: “Now you are not drunk right?”
Xu Qin: “No.”
Song Yan: “Do you still think the same way?”
Xu Qin lowers her head and covers her face with her hands: “I don’t know.”
It’s a short silence.
“If I come over, could you wait for me?” Song Yan asks without waiting for her answer. He smiles briefly: “Indefinite wait, I even feel sorry for you.”
The future is unforeseen. She is afraid, he would be pressured.
Xu Qin lets go of her hands and looks at the ceiling. “Song Yan, now I really don’t know what should I do. I don’t know how should I beg you, how to beg myself. I don’t know how could I face you, how should I face my family. I ——“
“I know that you are afraid, you are reluctant to let go.” Song Yan says, he mocks himself: “I just want to tell you. As long as you could be persistent, then I would help you bear everything. As long as you dare, I could bear everything.
But I know that everything that I said, it’s useless.”
Xu Qin’s eyes turn red. She blinks. Yes ah, even if he accompanies her to face her family, she would also feel afraid, she would be unwilling to let go. It would be to much pressure. He knows it clearly.
Xu Qin says: “I have no much courage.”
Yet Song Yan shakes his head and smiles lightly: “Honestly, letting you enter this kind of condition, I also feel so guilty.”
Xu Qin says: “I know. I know you are good….”
She couldn’t continue.
Song Yan is silent too. Then he inhales a deep breath and says calmly: “I could promise you to treat you well. Every day treating you well. I wouldn’t betray you, I wouldn’t be cold toward you. I would try my best to make your life better. But I promise whether I could fulfill your family’s request.”
Xu Qin has no words to say. She hesitates and be worried. She is insecure, she just gives space for him to speak.
“I know that you are in difficult situation. I also know that be with me, you would feel wronged. I could understand it. But ——“ Song yan pauses for ten seconds and finally says: “you couldn’t just dahs into my life this unbridledly.”
His tone is calm like he has considered this for a long time, he gives a final seal for their relationship:
“Together or let’s not meet again, make a decision.”
Xu Qin lowers her head, her lips move. Her tears start to fall down.