Zhang Xiao Rao saves Song Yan’s number on her phone.
Xu Qin watches her dialing that number and placing her phone on the ear.
The office room is quite so she could listen to the conversation.
Song Yan answers the phone: “Hello?”
Zhan Xiao Rao couldn’t cover her excitement: “Finally I found you, Hi!”
Song Yan: “Who is this?”
Zhan Xiao Rao says: “Lat month you saved me, I am the female who was trapped in the craft studio at Si Xi Di…… Do you remember?”
Then Song Yan says: “I don’t remember.”
Xu Qin pretends to look at the medical record.
“It’s okay if you don’t remember, we could meet so you could remember me again.” Zhan Xiao Rao doesn’t get depressed. She says friendly: “I want to treat you a meal as my token of gratitude.”
Then he hangs up so quickly.
It’s like what Xu Qin expects.
Somehow Xu Qin’s mood is getting better.
When she is getting off the work, Xiao Nan passes by her. She looks at how Xu Qin smiles. Xu Qin looks happy. Xiao Nan strokes her own head.
Few days later, Xiao Dong’s health test is out. She is HIV negative, she is not infected.
Xiao Dong runs over toward Xu Qin’s office room. She holds Xiao Bei and Xiao Xi. She is crying while smiling at the same time.
“A good person would get a good retribution.” Xiao Dong says: “There’s no one infected. From the firefighters side, there’s no one infected too. They are so happy and hug me too.”
Xu Qin lifts her head up: “They come to the hospital?”
Xiao Dong: “Yes, they are in the infection department.”
Xu Qin sits still for a second and stands up: “I remember that I need to look for Professor Xu.” She exits the ofice room and hears Xiao Dong shouts: “That time I was so angry so I said those words. Who said that I want to resign? I have been dreaming to be nurses since I was little.”
Xu Qin exits the emergency building and goes to the infection department.
She goes to the HIV examination area, yet the area is empty.
Xu Qin asks one of the colleagues: “Where are the firefighters?”
“They are okay, they have left.” The colleague says: “Around a minute ago.”
Xu Qin just leaves to chase after them.
She exits the elevator and notices a group of firefighters with their green uniform. The firefighters are coming out of the hospital building. Song Yan is walking at the very back.
Xu Qin passes everyone to run out of the building, she just watches Song Yan gets on the car.
Xu Qin have to stop, she pants and looks ahead.
Song Yan closes the door and the car starts to moving. He unconsciously looks back and watches Xu Qin is standing there watching.
In December, the weather is very cold.
Because she was inside, she wears a think cloth.
Their eyes meet each other through the window.
But very quickly the car drives away.
Xu Qin doesn’t stay there for a long time, it’s too cold outside.
The time she returns back to the office room, and suddenly recalls what Zhan Xiao Rao said. She knows that from her personality, what would she do. She knows that Zhan Xiao Rao wouldn’t give up so easily.
The next day at night, Xu Qin once again meet Zhan Xiao Rao at Xiao Yi Xiao’s bar.
They both sit together, Xu Qin observes that Zhan Xiao Rao keeps on playing with her phone for the whole night. She is smiling and frowning in successive.
Xiao Yi Xiao asks: “You have chatted with him for the whole night, to whom you are deeply attached?”
Zhan Xiao Rao lifts up her head and says depressingly: “I chat alone. I have sent more than ten messages to ask him out for midnight snack, but he doesn’t reply me. This man is too ruthless.” She says. “I’ve been waiting for him to have day off. If I miss this one, I should wait again.”
Jiang Yu asks: “Who do you like that could make you be so snubbed despite showing good intetions.”
Xiao Yi Xiao: “Which time she doesn’t pester to anyone?”
Zhan Xiao Rao: “I’m happy. If you like someone, you should chase after him. If you don’t like him, then just break up. Don’t you men also do the same thing, why women couldn’t do it?”
“Okay okay, okay, of course you can. No one says you couldn’t.”
Xu Qin just drinks her beer quietly.
Zhan Xiao Rao keeps on sending message nonstop. XU Qin doesn’t know the content of her messages, whether she is chatting or flirting.
She couldn’t guess, she just keeps on drinking.
When it’s almost 11:00 p.m. Zhan Xiao Rao finally screams and stands up: “He replies me!”
Then she takes out her powder and lipstick to freshen her face: “I’ll leave first. I’ll go date.”
Xu Qin watches her lipsticks, it’s so red like a red rose.
Xiao Yi Xiao is curious: “What kind of man it is, why are you excited.”
“He is a firefighter, he is my rescuer. He has a great body. I really want him.” Zhan Xiao Rao packs up and says: “His name sounds great too. Song Yan. I’ll leave first. Bye.”
Xiao Yi Xiao, Meng Yan Chen, Jiang Yu’s faces are changing. Xiao Yi Xiao and Meng Yan Chen glance at Xu Qin.
Xu Qin is calm, she is drinking her beer and eats her fruits.
She finishes her fruits and takes tissue to wipe her hand. She stands up: “I’ll go to wash my hands.”
On the corridor toward the restroom, there’s a couple who is hugging and kissing frenziedly. Xu Qin enters the restroom and turns on the water faucet. She washes her hand few times.
A female notices something is wrong, she asks her “Are you okay?” Xu Qin just notices that her hands are hurt because she keeps on rubbing it. She feels in pain.
She looks at her hands, she forget since when she started to be obsessed with cleanliness. She forgets why she chose to be a doctor.
All of her memories seems to be useless now.
She washes her face and calms herself down. Then she returns back and sits down with three of them for an hour.
She looks around the crowded place, she suddenly doesn’t know how should she return to the empty house. How should she sleep. So she just closes her eyes and and drinks beer.
She doesn’t have a good alcohol tolerance, yet she drinks three glasses of whisky. She has turned dizzy and says that she is so sleepy and wants to go home.
At first she wanted to call a taxi, but Meng Yan Chen and Xiao Yi Xiao insist to send her home. They take her to her home and put her on the bed. She is sleeping.
When they are on the lobby of her apartment, Xiao Yi Xiao asks: “Is she drowning her sorrows in liquor?”
Meng Yan Chen turns quiet for a long time, yet he says: “She is building up her courage.”
The winter night, the moon is bright and clear.
There’s no one around Zong Lu Hua Yuan.
Meng Yan Chen is sitting on the dark car and looks around the complex back door. Xiao Yi Xiao is leaning on the driver seat. He is silent.
Indeed after a while, they see Xu Qin is out of the apartment building, she is walking unsteadily. She exits the apartment complex and walks toward the Wu Fang street.
Xiao Yi Xiao massages his forehead and looks at Meng Yan Chen. Meng Yan Chen watches the tiny figure. He doesn’t move. Xiao Yi Xiao sighs, he gets off the car and follows her.
A night in Wu Fang street is a bit dreadful, the street is dim and silent.
Xu Qin feels like she is floating. She goes t the Di family house. The front door is closed.
She slaps on it with force. She slaps and slaps it and suddenly shouts: “SONG YAN!”
She shouts loudly.
She keeps on slapping the door and shouts: “SONG YAN!”
Someone opens the door, it’s Di Miao. She has a down jacket on her shoulder, she feels very cold. Looking at Xu Qin, she is so surprised: “What are you doing here? Do you know what time is it?”
Xu Qin pushes her and wants to get inside to Song Yan’s room. Jiu Jiu and Jiu Ma are out too. “This late night, what happened?”
Xu Qin just runs toward Song Yan’s room, she slaps the door and says with a low voice: “Song Yan.” it’s so soft like she is afraid that the person inside would be startled from his dream.
“Song Yan.” She slaps the door. “Song Yan, I am Xu Qin.”
Di Miao runs over and feels a bit agitated. She shouts: “Today my Ge isn’t going home.”
Xu Qin is startled and be blank for two seconds. Then she tries to open the door yet she couldn’t open it. She goes to the window and sees the curtain is not pulled. The bed and the blanket are so tidy.
He is out with another woman. He is not coming home.
Now it’s already 02:00 a.m.
Xu Qin stands in front of the window and suddenly lowers her head. She covers her face with both of her hands.
She stays like that for a long time.
The other three people in the courtyard are looking at each other. Jiu Jiu signals Di Miao, Di Miao rolls her eyes and comes over: “He is not here, you should go home.”
Di Miao feels very cold and turns even annoyed. She wants to have a fit of anger yet she hears Xu Qin says something in low voice like she is talking to herself.
“I feel that I am dying.” She says: “there’s no bit of interest to live.”
Di Miao is shocked: “Don’t, what happened? Could you tell me, what is happening?”
Xu Qin puts away her hands and looks up. She looks very calm. She doesn’t answer, she turns her body and leaves. Because of she is drunk, her steps aren’t stable.
Di Miao doesn’t dare to let her go: “If not, you could sit here for a while ——“
Xu Qin just ignores her and wants to leave. Then suddenly she notices a pair of male sneakers near the staircase. It’s too big and clean.
She watches it for a while.
Di Miao: “Ahyoo. I haven’t put away his shoes.” Then she bends her body to take it.
Xu Qin just kicks it, one of the shoe gets inside the courtyard again.
XU Qin pants, his eyes are full of hatred. She chases after that shoe and wants to kick it again. She keeps on chasing and kicking it.
Xiao Yi Xiao rushes over and hols Xu Qin. He apologizes to Jiu Jiu and his family: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. She is drunk, she has drunken fit. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Three of them are half doubting him.
Xiao Yi Xiao holds Xu Qin’s waist and drags her. Xu Qin doesn’t make fuss anymore, she just struggles. Her eyes are fixed on that sneaker. She wants to kick it again. Xiao Yi Xiao covers her eyes and drags her out.
Song Yan arrives in front of Di family house, he notices that one of his sneaker is gone. He looks around and watches that person.
Jiu Ma pokes Jiu Jiu and pulls him to the room.
Xu Qin is free from Xiao Yi Xiao, she is looking provocatively at Song Yan.
Song Yan says nothing and passes by her.
Xu Qin: “Stop.”
Song Yan stops.
Xu Qin asks: “Where did you go tonight?”
Song Yan pursues his lips, he has his own rage. Tonight he came out to warn Zhan Xiao Rao to not disturb him anymore. He was surprised to know that Xu Qin was the one that shares his phone number. What did she think he is?
Okay, now he is home and see that she is putting a show of bad temper. Why should she come over and make fuss this late night?
Song Yan looks at her: “I went out with a woman, you should know her, what is her name. Em —-“ He lowers his head and thinks: “Zhan Xiao Rao?”
Xu Qin is provoked by his tone and words, her eyes full of bitterness, she suddenly runs toward him and pushes him.
Song Yan’s body retreats for two to three steps. He is watching her face. His face changes abruptly, he is sneering and despising her. “Xu Qin, you should know yourself. What is your qualification to fight with me here?”
Xu Qin glares at him. She couldn’t say anything, she clearly has a lot of words but she couldn’t say it.
She also wants to have eyes right Zhan Xiao Rao, then everyone could see whether she is happy or sad. But she has completely different eyes.
Her eyes always show that she is quiet, constrained. She feels that she is getting mad.
Xiao Yi Xiao’s face turns ashen, he allows any explanation and just drags Xu Qin: “Let’s go —- what should you say to this kind of man? You should see whether he deserves you or not.”
Song Yan looks at him coldly and looks at Xu Qin.
Xu Qin doesn’t want to go, she pushes Xiao Yi Xiao away. She lifts her chin and looks at Song Yan on the eyes. She says:
“Right, he doesn’t deserve me. He doesn’t deserve me.”
Song Yan just stares at her without making any sound. At last, he just laughs like everything is indifferent. He turns his body and wants to go back to his bedroom.
Xu Qin feels that her heart is shattered into pieces.
“Because ——“ She stands there and looks at his figure. “I like him more than he likes me.”
Song Yan stops. For a while, he couldn’t believe what he hears.
“I find socializing difficult, I don’t like to make friends. Banking, law, management, there are lots of professions but those profession don’t suit me. It’s just being a doctor suits me, I just need to study my specialization well. Moreover I would not be unemployed, I could support my own life.” Xu Qin’s tears fill her eyes. Her heart is so pain that she couldn’t breath properly. Her body is shaking.
“I come back to this country, I change my name. I move out of the house. I am planning my life. A bit by a bit. I don’t need those things my family could provide. I am thinking, how, how could I not make Papa Mama be angry, to not oppose, to not disown me as their daughter. I am questioning how could I be promoted into a higher position, whether I work hard enough. How could I be a great well-known surgeon. So they could be proud of me, then they would tolerate me a bit.”
She suddenly stops.
Song Yan turns his body and looks at her face.
“But you? What are you doing? What have you done? —— Song Yan, let me ask you, what have you ever done for liking me?! —— Yes, I don’t stop wanting to approach you, I also don’t stop doubting and hesitating. I keep on come and go, I am greedy and bickering, I am hesitant and weak. I couldn’t see hope, I am afraid. That’s because —-“ She opens her mouth, her tears keeps on falling down. She forces herself to stop, she bites her lips. She tears open her most hurtful wound: “You have never done anything for us being together, even you never exert any little effort. You never.”
Song Yan’s throat turns aching, his face is twisted.”
“Xu Qin, I ——“ He is in pain too. What could he say, the matter has reached this point, what else could he say.
A failure is an excuse, difficult situation is a fact.
Everything he has done, if he says it out loud, it’ll be only a joke.
How could he ask for her understanding when he was so miserable and helpless?
Perhaps should he tell her that the one that makes what him today is her most beloved and dependable closely related family?
He thinks that he is not in that corrupted stage yet.
He chooses to be silent.
She waits and be so disappointed: “I’m right, right? — Tell me, am I right?”
Song Yan watches her and be speechless.
Her tears couldn’t be controlled: “You don’t like me right? You don’t like me right? — You simply don’t like me right, if not how could you not even work hard. You even never think of getting close to me!”
She sobs and weeps in grief.
“You could only stand still and wait me to come and find you. Perhaps even if I fall down, you wouldn’t help me up.”
“A person like you, why should I? Why should I go to you! Yes, I am selfish woman, toward the person I love, I’m selfish. I want to see what would you sacrifice for me, then I would go to you. If not, what should I do? If I lose everything and you just stand still, what should I do? That’s right I’m not pure. I’m bickering, Yes, I want you to make sacrifice for me. I want you to walk toward me. But why don’t you come to me?”
Song Yan’s eyes are wet too. At first he wanted to approach her and hold her. But she is the one that holds his arm first. She kicks and hits him. “Why aren’t you willing to come over? —- Your love, I really couldn’t see it. Let me tell you, I would not walk toward you anymore, I wouldn’t!”
XIao Yi Xiao couldn’t watch it any longer. He holds her and says: “Let’s go!”
Xu Qin couldn’t break free from him, she just sobs and wails: “Song Yan, why aren’t you coming over! I’m here, why aren’t you coming over! Is it true that you don’t like me that much? If you don’t like me that much, why did you say those words? Why did you say that you like me that I could cause your death? I take that seriously! I take that seriously ah! ——“
Xiao Yi Xiao drags her out.
The courtyard turns silent.
Di Miao is standing there blankly, her face is full of tears too: “It’s not true.” She runs toward the front door.
Di Miao feels her blood run cold, she stops.
That yell sounds painful.
Di Miao looks back, she looks at that figure. It’s not Song Yan, it’s not her Ge Ge’s Song Yan. He looks like a stranger.
Song Yan’s spirit seems to leave together with Xu Qin.
Di Miao never sees that side of Song Yan. His head is hanging low. His shoulder is dropping.
He seems to be unable to accept it. The pain makes him kneel down and hugs his head tightly. He doesn’t make sound anymore.