Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 61


How should she explain it?

If he frequently posts his photos, Sang Zhi could make a reason from it.

But he had never posted.

She thinks for a while.

Then she acts at loss and says: “Oh, I was wrong.”

Duan Jia Xu looks at her.

“At first I planned to choose for you to not look at my Moments.” Sang Zhi explains: “I couldn’t see it clearly so I chose wrongly.”

Duan Jia Xu: “…….”

What kind of reason is that.

“You should understand. Some of the posts in the Moments, aren’t really good to be seen by the seniors…… I am too lazy to block it one by one so I simply …….”

“I’ll not mind anything else,” Duan Jia Xu cuts her off and grabs two words; “Senior?”


Sang Zhi looks for a reason: “If you see it that means my Ge also sees it. My Ge sees it then he would tell my Pa Ma. I should cut it from the root. Moreover I also never touches the block list….”

“I don’t see anything that is appropriate to be blocked or to be seen by your parents?”

“……. I have already erased it.” She pulls out Duan Jia Xu from the block list.

“Mentioning about this,” Duan Jia Xu says: “Xiao Gu Niang, why haven’t you posted anything interesting in your Moments?”


“You also have no boyfriend.”


This is an obvious sign.

Sang Zhi indeed has habit to not posted in her Moments, she just posts once in a while.

Sang Zhi says cautiously: “Then now I would post one?”

Duan Jia Xu knows from her tone that today her mood is not really good. He isn’t really mind about it. “No need, I just tease you.”

Sang Zhi nods.

After a while.

Sang Zhi doesn’t help but to ask: “You don’t mind about it?”


“I also never mentions you in my Moments.”

“You do that in purpose?”


“I don’t care if you do it in purpose or not.” Duan Jia Xu holds her hand and gets inside the restaurant. He says relaxedly: “Though you never say it, you think that it’s extremely shameful to let someone see me so you want to hide it from everyone else…”

Sang Zhi refutes: “When have I ever said that it’s shameful.”

He acts like he doesn’t listen to her words.

Duan Jia Xu looks at her and says.

“You are also my family.”


She just starts working but Sang Zhi feels that her bak is in pain. She returns back to her dorm and clean up herself. She even soaks her foot in hot water. She doesn’t want to do anything else and just lays down on her bed.

It’s not her usual time to sleep, yet she has surrounded by sleepiness.

Sang Zhi forces herself to open her eyes, she replies Duan Jia Xu’s WeChat. She then sends a message in her family group chat. Inside the group chat, there are Sang Rong, Li Ping, and Sang Yan. Sang Rong and Li Ping send Sang Zhi’s a red pocket to celebrate her success of getting an internship.

Looking at this, Sang Zhi’s mood turns better. She thanks them and opens up the red envelope. She notices that the red pocket has been taken by Sang Yan.

Sang Zhi just types: [?]

Sang Yan doesn’t reply.

Sang Zhi waits for a while and just falls asleep.

The next day she wakes up, she notices that Sang Yan hasn’t replied her yet.

But expectedly Sang Rong tries to calm her down, last night he sent two other red pocket. Then he sent: [Chou Xiao Zi (Brat), for a whole day you just know to bully your Mei, couldn’t you do anything else?]

Sang Yan still doesn’t comment.

Sang Zhi is awake, she has a bad feeling. She opens up the newly received red pockets. Those twos also be taken by Sang Yan.

In total, she has lost 800 Yuan.




Now she thinks let’s not just have a cold war with each other, now she really wants to cut ties with him. Let’s be totally isolated from each other.


For the next days, Shi Xiao Yu still treats Sang Zhi in a same way.

For whatever Sang Zhi does, she always be scolded.

For example, Shi Xiao Yu asked Sang Zhi for a glass of water.

The first time Sang Zhi poured a room temperature water and she was scolded. The second time she asked “Do you want a hot or cold water?”, Shi Xiao Yu just answered “Do you think you should ask about that?”. Then San Zhi just followed her last request and poured a warm water, she keeps being scolded.

Another example.

She followed Shi Xiao Yu’s request to find source materials for the design. She keeps looking to find fault with her.

Sang Zhi has revised her design for several times, but she kept being scolded for several times. At last Shi Xiao Yu just says: “Forget it just lie this”.

She keeps on acting to be dissatisfied.

Sometimes Sang Zhi chats with Ning Wei, and Ning Wei tries to comfort her and advise her to be strong.

Sang Zhi also doesn’t want to give up half way.

She knows that real life might not have a rule like school life.

Everyday except going to work, she also will work over time then she goes home to her dorm to sleep. She doesn’t have any strength to do anything else.

Sometimes she would get angry that she would think to break off the contract and not work anymore. But she thinks that she has been mistreated for few days, now how could she go without getting any money.

The time passes quickly, now it’s Friday.

In the mid-afternoon, Sang Zhi and her colleagues decide to call a takeaway. After the lunch, she tidies up. She throws away the box and goes to elevator. She notices that Shi Xiao Yu is leaning near the window and calling someone.

Her voice is soft. She is a completely different person. “Why do I feel that Xiao Gu Niang is different from what you said to me? She is quite good. I a hard on her but she never complains. I also never see her say anything to the male co-workers… ay, I am also embarrassed to bully her right this.”

Sang Zhi stops and just throws away the rubbish.

Shi Xiao Yu doesn’t notice her, she keeps on talking: “Maybe, but when I think about what you said to me. That man should be a dregs too, you should dump him.”

Sang Zhi doesn’t continue to eavesdrop to her conversation, she returns to her office.

She goes to the bathroom to wash her hands first and thinks about Shi Xiao Yu’s words.

It seems clear for her that Shi Xiao Yu’s hostility, it’s all personal.

But she really doesn’t know Shi Xiao Yu.

Could it because she has trouble with her classmates, then this Shi Xiao Yu is one of her classmates’ Jie Jie?

No matter what, if it’s all about business matter, Sang Zhi feels that she could accept it. But now because she is sure that her hostility is purposive, she thinks she shouldn’t endure this anymore.

Sang Zhi returns back to her seat and plans to have an afternoon nap.

Shi Xiao Yu is back and occupies the sofa, she plans to have an afternoon nap on the sofa. The company has only a sofa, which she usually uses.

Looking that Sang Zhi is laying her head on the table, Shi Xiao Yu says: “Who asks you to sleep?”

Sang Zhi looks at her: “It’s not working time yet.”

Shi Xiao Yu: “Have you found any source material?”

“No.” Sang Zhi looks at her and says calmly: “But now it’s not working time.”

Shi Xiao Yu is not used to Sang Zhi’s attack. She frowns and slaps the table. She is furious: “You go and find it first, I need it quick.”

Sang Zhi: “Oh.”

Shi Xiao Yu’s expression calms down. “Hurry up.”

Sang Zhi adds: “No.”

“……..” Shi Xiao Yu says: “What did you say?”

“If you need it quick, then you should not take an afternoon nap and find it now.” Sang Zhi isn’t someone that have a good temper. But this time she says calmly: “If not, you pay me for working overtime?”


Because of Sang Zhi’s attitude, Shi Xiao Yu’s actions are getting nasty.

If she is reasonable, Sang Zhi would endure it. But she feels that Shi Xiao Yu is looking trouble for her. She just replies expressionlessly and politely. On the way the time Shi Xiao Yu goes to the restroom.

Wan Zhe: “Do you eat explosive material today?”

He Peng Xing: “Awesome, don’t you feel afraid that would mistreat you even more?”

Sang Zhi opens up her folder and says calmly: “Just endure myself to being scolded. It’s better for me to make her unhappy too.”

He Peng Xing: “Good.”

Wan Zhe: “Very good.”

He Peng Xing: “But I don’t dare to do it.”

Wan Zhe: “I also don’t dare.”


For the three new employees, the boss, Zhang Hui, decides to have a welcoming dinner party. So today the employees get off work early. Shi Xiao Yu has no way to make Sang Zhi work overtime today.

The welcoming dinner party is held near the office.

In front of Zhang Hui, Shi Xiao Yu doesn’t dare to do too impudently.

After the dinner, a group of people decide to go to nearby KTV to loosen up.

Sang Zhi doesn’t want to go, but everyone else wants to go but she feels embarrassed to not go too. She plans to stay for an hour and make an excuse to leave first.

On the way.

Sang Zhi hears Shi Xiao Yu says to Zhang Hui: “Hui Ge, my friend plans to find me. Is it okay for her to join us?”

Zhang Hui just laughs: “Okay, the more people are, the merrier would it be.”

Sang Zhi doesn’t think too much about it, she just walks at the back side. She is silent and reads Duan Jia Xu message. He is asking her where she is going to.

After a while, Sang Zhi meet the friend, who Shi Xiao Yu said.

It’s a long-time-no-see, Jiang Ying.

In that moment Sang Zhi suddenly remembers why she feels that Shi Xiao Yu looks familiar. She is the friend was with Jiang Ying in the hotpot restaurant.

Sang Zhi sits down on the most corner seat inside the KTV room. She is quiet and just watches everyone greeting Jiang Ying.

The time Jiang Ying sees Sang Zhi, she looks calm.

Sang Zhi also pretends to smile.

When the other people are singing, Sang Zhi just plays for a while with her colleagues. Then she returns back to her seat. Without her knowing, Jiang Ying is beside her.

She looks normal and she is smiling gently: “I heard that you are first-year student?”

Sang Zhi pretends to not hear her, she just turns silent.

Jiang Ying: “You are young, why are you looking for job early?”


“How does it feel to be with a boyfriend, who has nothing?”

“A Yi (Auntie).” Sang Zhi chews her popcorn. “If I lack of money, I could find a job as a tutor or perhaps I could find a summer job. It’s faster to earn money that way than having an internship.”


“I have no other meaning. But when you said those words, I just want to remind you first.” Sang Zhi lifts up her head and smiles, “If not you will talk till you are tired, I would be annoyed too.”

Jiang Ying stops her smiling and looks at her. She suddenly just drinks a lot beer. Perhaps because there are lot of people in the room, she doesn’t do anything too over.

Sang Zhi looks at the time.

Jiang Ying: “Are your parents agreeing to your relationship?”

Sang Zhi doesn’t respond.

“You feel that he really likes you? Xiao Gu Niang, let me talk to it seriously. This man is lacking of love.” JIang Ying says lightly: “Isn’t you really good toward him?”


“When someone has someone that is really great toward him, he could easily misunderstand it to be so love.” Jiang Ying says: “I think that you really love him so much. But if you break up with him, do you know how would he response?”

Sang Zhi lowers her head and plays with her phone, she says nothing.

Jiang Ying pokes Sang Zhi’s arm with her finger: “He would think that it’s okay. It’s okay as long as you could find a better one.”

Sang Zhi feels that something is pricked to her heart, she straightens her lips.

“Then,” Jiang Ying says slowly. “A person like you, he could find it hundreds of you.”

Sang Zhi speaks up and says slowly: “You come to find me to say those words, do you think it is interesting?”

“You are hurt because of my words? I’m sorry ha.” Jiang Ying has drunk a lot of beer so she could smell the alcohol scent on her. “I just cannot bear to see him. So I want to remind you. Tell me why should I be hostile toward her. Because his Pa drove the car and killed my Pa.”

“I know.”

Jiang Ying is startled and laughs loudly. Her whole body is trembling: “He told you about this? How could he have face to tell you about it? — He is really shameless.”

“Now it’s 2015.” Sang Zhi says, “A guilty by association has been banished thousand years ago, A Yi.”

It’s a silence again.

Jiang Ying forces herself to smile and says cooly: “Then who should I look for to complain? If your family experienced the same thing as me, you don’t think you’ll be like me?”

“Jia Xu’s Papa committed that.” Sang Zhi says: “So the court has sentenced him, he would…….”

Jiang Ying suddenly cuts her off: “So he would get punishment?”


“At first my Pa could live, but tha Duan Zhi Cheng, that b*st*rd, knocked down him by his car and ran away.” Jiang Ying bites her lips and says: “He was afraid to get into the jail, he was afraid to be blamed so he committed suicide by jumping from a tall building.”


“Tell me, what punishment does he have?”


It’s the first time Sang Zhi hears about this.

She just knows that Duan Jia Xu said his Papa is in a vegetative state. She also knows that happens because of the car accident.

After a long time.

Sang Zhi looks at Jiang Ying on the eyes and says lightly: “Then Duan Jia Xu, isn’t he a victim too?”


Sang Zhi finds a reason to leave, Jiang Ying doesn’t follow her anymore. Sang Zhi feels like she is losing herself. She doesn’t want to come back to the dorm directly, she goes to nearby store to buy octopus balls to eat.”

After a while, she gets a message from Duan Jia Xu: [Where are you? I’ll come over to pick you up.]

Sang Zhi sends him her location.

She is at the small public square, it is a crowded place.

Nearby there’re people that are playing with roller skate or skateboard. Sang Zhi sits on the nearby bench and eats her octopus ball. She then places the box on the side and hiccups.

She thinks about Jiang Ying’s words and loses spirit.

She starts to recall her earlier interaction with Duan Jia Xu.

He always treats her well.

He always accompanies her for whatever she wants to do.

For things that she doesn’t want to do, he wouldn’t force her.

He is really great toward her.

But could it be said to be love?

Yet since the first day of their relationship, Sang Zhi is very clear.

Their love might not have same reciprocity.

It’s okay if it’s a temporary interest or ‘familiarity breeds fondness’.

As long as he has a bit of love toward her, it’s enough for her.

Sang Zhi suddenly stands up and watches other people, who are laughing and playing with the skateboard.

She notices a man holding hand with a woman, he cautiously hold her as if he is afraid that woman would fall down. Then suddenly that man kisses her.

They both are startled and blushing. They both fall down but they are still laughing.

Sang Zhi also follows them to laugh.

She watches them for a while. Then Duan Jia Xu sends her a message to say that he has arrived. Sang Zhi replies to his message to ask his location. After a while, she notices him.

Sang Zhi just throws away her box to the rubbish bin and walks toward him.

Duan Jia Xu examines her: “Are you drinking?’

Sang Zhi shakes her head and lifts her eyes to see him, she asks him: “Could I ask you a question?”

Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrows: “Okay.”

Sang Zhi: “Why do you like me?”

Hearing this, Duan Jia Xu is startled and says: “What should be the reason?”

Sang Zhi: “Oh, right.”


“Nothing.” Sang Zhi lowers her eyes and lets go of his hand. She takes out her wallet from her backpack. “This for you.”


“This is my bank card, I have one thousand there.”

Sang Zhi says slowly: “Last semester I joined the competition, our group won and sold the award. We divided the money. I also did several tutorials, it’s little not much.”


“I don’t know whether I could get the scholarship or not. But if I would get it, I’ll transfer it inside. For this job, if I persevere to do it, I would get 2000 Yuan.” Sang Zhi says, “I’ll transfer it to this account too.”

Duan Jia Xu couldn’t respond for a while, he asks “Why are you giving me this?”

“I just want to tell you.” Sang Zhi feels sad and says: “I’ll be good toward you this lifetime.”

So you don’t need to find another person that is good toward you.

I would be able to hold nothing back and be good toward you.

Duan Jia Xu is confused, he looks at her: “You want to provide for me?”


“But why are you sound so wronged?”

Duan Jia Xu takes out her wallet and puts it on her hand. “Take these money to buy a beautiful dress for you to wear.”

Then Duan Jia Xu takes her bank card. “This would be for providing Ge Ge.”

Sang Zhi lifts her head to look at him.

“This money isn’t too little, so.” Duan Jia Xu has a good mood and pinches her nose. “Boss, you could do anything you want.”


3 Replies to “Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 61”

  1. That Jiang woman is really something. But kudos to SZ, she is tough and smart. I hope she keeps defending her man. I really liked this chapter.

    Liked by 12 people

  2. SZ might do it for love, but even if she doesnot, she is right. Crime by association has been banished since thousand of years ago. JY is sick.
    I understand her anger but after a decade to still dwell about it to the state that she even neglect her own life, future and even insist on pestering him to marry her as a compensation is really mad. If she insist on her rapist to marry her , it is stupid move but one can still atleast see a justified reason for the demand, but for this sin is just absurd.
    Moreover his dad even suicided to pay his sin. That was a cowardice act but be it being in vegetative state or died aren’t both punishment enough for his crime?
    TBH, his state now is even worse than death itself
    Let alone just to compare it with jail.
    Being jailed for ignorance that causes death wouldn’t have hurt that long.
    His reputation is harmed, yes, but he could have started new again with his family somewhere else faraway from the past.
    But his state now is giving his family a burden for a lifetime.
    DJX doesn’t suffer less than her.
    There is nothing good to compare lifes, true, but I there is nothing wrong to say that when DJX can move on and fight for his own future even with so much debt to pay for a compensation, why can’t she do the same when she evem get the advantage of the compensation?
    Surely that money can’t replace her father’s life, but she still could have used it to build her own future.. Instead of whining over a spilled milk forever.
    The dead can not come back afterall but the living must survive still.
    She can’t blame others for her misfortune all the time, fate is in one’s own hand.

    Liked by 9 people

  3. By the way I could somehow guess why he never drinks alcohol at all outside.
    It was because of the past trauma.
    However it is really a good and mature decision of him.
    One should learn from mistakes, not only one’s own mistake but also from others.

    Liked by 5 people

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