Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 44


Sang Zhi: “Ah” then she looks other side, she nods slowly.

She lowers her head and tries to think about his words.

She thought that he has forgotten about this matter, or perhaps this never happens to him. Moreover, Sang Zhi never sees him mention about dating or having a girlfriend.

So who was it at the airport last time?

Sang Zhi looks at him and couldn’t help to ask: “Then what about last time?”

Duan Jia Xu: “Who?”

“The one,” She doesn’t know why should she mention something from long time ago, whether it will sound weird. Sang Zhi plays with her fingers and pretends to ask casually: “The time I came to Yi He when I was just a Grade 10 student, you came over with that Jie Jie.”

“The time you were just a grade 10 student?”

“……” Sang Zhi feels complicated for a while and tries to be more accurate. She wants him to remember. “The time I came over to find my internet boyfriend.”

Duan Jia Xu remembers it: “My boss.”

Sang Zhi pursues her lips and continues to ask dully: “Then why did she come with you?”

“That time I still couldn’t drive.” Duan Jia Xu doesn’t really remember what happened three years ago. “Moreover that day I seemed to work overtime. I feel a bit unwell.”


“The time your Ge called me, that time she heard it too. She said that she would take me there.” Duan Jia Xu looks at her and adds unconsciously: “Even her children had entered elementary school.”

Sang Zhi’s mood is empty, she suddenly remembers the day she felt everything is hard to bear. She remembers that she put all the memories inside a box and locked it.

She remembers her intention to drift apart with him.

Thinking about that.

Thinking about how one-sided love started and ended.

Sang Zhi nods in silent. She asks: “Then why you keep on not looking for girlfriend?”

Duan Jia Xu speaks up: “Your Ge also don’t look for someone right?”

“……” Sang Zhi remembers what her roommates’ words, her face looks complicated, “You also couldn’t keep on waiting for my Ge ah……”

Duan Jia Xu says: “What are you saying?”

Sang Zhi says: “I feel it is weird.”

“After I graduated, I had no time.” Duan Jia Xu casually, “These two years, my boss has introduced me to several women, but I don’t think it’s fitting for me.”

Sang Zhi says: “Oh.” And asks nothing more.

The planes takes off and the air stewards start to distribute the blanket.

Sang Zhi asks for one and covers her self till her head. She pretends to be a sleep. She leans on the wall. She closes, opens, and closes her eyes.

She is thinking about something.

After a while.

Sang Zhi lowers her head.

She feels that somehow her scar has been filled with a honey. She pursues her lips and smiles under the blanket.

It’s soundless.


The plan lands at Yi He City.

Before getting of the plane, Sang Zhi hears that man called Yuan Lang, is asking for Duan Jia Xu’s contact number.

Sang Zhi and Duan Jia Xu find a place to have lunch then Duan Jia Xu sends Sang Zhi back home.

It’s not even 01:00 p.m. Inside the dorm, there’s only Ning Wei.

Sang Zhi’s dorm has no elevator. She is staying on the third floor. Duan Jia Xu helps her to take the luggage upstair. He doesn’t stay and just greets Ning Wei politely. He says several things to Sang Zhi and leaves quickly.

The time he is gone, Ning Wei asks curiously: “With what kind of status he sends you home?’

Sang Zhi kneels down on the ground and opens up her suitcase. “My senior.”

“…..” Ning Wei says: “Still a senior?”

Sang Zhi stays silent for few seconds. “Actually I also don’t really understand about it.”

Hearing this, Ning Wei immediately approaches Sang Zhi. She blinks and says: “What happened?”

“Now I also feel so confused.” Sang Zhi considers and says hesitantly: “Because I feel that his previous words are like that too.”


“But there’s a difference.”

“What did he say to you?”

Sang Zhi stops moving and says: “He said to me that these years he never dates. He said that he never finds a suitable one.”

“Wait a sec, had he ever date?” Ning Wei is surprised: “He should have right.”

“I also don’t know much about it.” Sang Zhi says: “I also feel it’s not good to keep on asking too much to him.”

“Then why you said that you don’t understand it?”

“When I was little, he also said that kind of word. For example, he will load me on the bicycle and bring me home. Then he would say that I smile secretly. Perhaps he would say that I just blush when I wee him.” Sang Zhi scratches her head, “He’s quite shameless person.”


“But recently I notice that he becomes more intense.” Sang Zhi releases her breath and says slowly. “I also couldn’t understand, you understand right. You might think that I am too imaginative that my love is reciprocated….”

Ning Wei: “You think that he might likes you a little?”

“No.” Sang Zhi immediately denies: “Not really”


Noticing Ning Wei’s expression, Sang Zhi looks at her from eye to eye for several seconds and suddenly vents her anger: “Okay, just a bit.”

Ning Wei: “Why aren’t you dare to have that kind of thought, your condition is not really bad.”

“Because I feel it’s too impossible. Moreover, I also have a bit understanding.” Sang Zhi says lightly: “Because I like him, because I have that kind fo feeling, so his action that might be usual for him, but I might misinterpret it.”


Sang Zhi laughs: “I am quite experienced.”

About having a crush.

“Moreover this relationship basically, it’s not good to change.” Sang Zhi lowers her head and continues to tidy up her things, “If he is a stranger, then supposedly I will chase after him. If I couldn’t get him, at worst I’ll not contact him. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Ning Wei doesn’t really understand Sang Zhi’s feeling, she sighs and asks again. “Before you came to Yi He, how many years you guys didn’t meet?”

“I think from Grade 8.” Sang Zhi adds: “After getting into grade 11, he was so busy and went back to Yi He.”

“How old were you when you start to know him?”

“Grade 7.”

“Then it means that he watches you growing up. He shouldn’t have that kind of thinking?”


“Based on what you say,” Ning Wei says innocently: “If after grade 8, you didn’t meet him that much, then is it count to say that he watches you growing up?”


It’s a bit reasonable.

Sang Zhi doesn’t know what to say at the moment, she hesitates and says. “In between times, we meet several times.”

“To say it reasonably,” Ning Wei says, “During the summer holiday of Grade 12, my Pa took a dog back home for me to raise. For a month, that thief keeps on pestering me. Then the time I backed for winter holiday, it didn’t recognize me.”


“Even a loyal dog can do that kind of thing, you just meet several time in years. How could you say that he watches you growing up.” Ning Wei says, “At most, he is a Ge Ge that you know since you are young.”

“But he always gives gifts for me.” Sang Zhi says, “He usually asks me to about my study.”

“Oh.” Ning Wei says: “That he just barely your “internet friend”.”


“I am just stating my thought, it’s good that you could listen to it. Now my Di Di is in his junior high school. If he has that kind of friend, I know, I also will think of him as my little friend.” Ning Wei says, “The time he grows up, and chases after me.”

Sang Zhi looks at her.

Ning Wei smiles: “I’m sorry I really will possibly….. hehe…..”‘

“Then what do you think?” Sang Zhi says impatiently: “Now what should I do?”

“Just act naturally.” Ning Wei says, “you also don’t need to keep on thinking that he is older than you, just interact naturally. If he flirts with you, then you could also flirt back?”

Sang Zhi feels depressed and nods.

“What do you mean that he becomes more intense?” Ning Wei says curiously, “Which one do you think is better your past interaction style or now?”

Sang Zhi thinks seriously: “I think that recently, he is a bit, I don’t know how to describe it….”

She immediately remembers Sang Yan’s words, but she doesn’t know how to say it to Ning Wei: “the past one is quite good too.”


After back at home, Duan Jia Xu looks at his WeChat messenger.

Yuan Lang sends him a friend invitation, Duan Jia Xu just looks at it and doesn’t press accept. He just closes the apps.

Duan Jia Xu takes his dirty clothes to the laundry room, then goes to the bathroom to have a quick shower. Then he goes back to his bedroom and lays down on his bed to sleep again.

Suddenly his phone rings.

Duan Jia Xu looks at and answers.

Qian Fei: “You are back at Yi He?”

Duan Jia Xu: “em.”

Qian Fei is worried: “This time you go, when will we meet again?”

Duan Jia Xu laughs and says lazily: “If you were not married, hearing your words make me think you have a crush with me.”

“What?” Qian Fei: “I think you will be quick. This time I get married, you could also bring the girl you like back home, let brothers meet her too.”

Duan Jia Xu: “How could it be so fast?”

Qian Fei ridicules him. “Didn’t you say that you do quite okay?”

“……” Duan Jia Xu sits up and coughs: “Don’t always mention this kind of thing.”


“Tell me that girl’s type is a bit strange,” Duan Jia Xu laughs: “I never meet that kind of person.”


“Bro.” Duan Jia Xu remembers the time he called Sang Yan as “Ge Ge”, and also Sang Zhi’s responses in these days. Duan Jia Xu says: “Though it’s quiet interesting, but I really…….”


“I feel it to be absurd.”

“……” Qian Fei says. “D*mm*t could you not make me lose my appetite?”

Duan Jia Xu doesn’t have any sleepiness anymore, he stands up and goes to the living room. He takes his lighter and cigarette. He ponders and smiles: “It’s a bit difficult.”

Qian Fei is going mad: “What ah!”

“That girl tells me her type.” Duan Jia Xu says, “This period of time, I learn a bit of it.”

Qian Fei thinks this is unbelievable. “Are you okay? Why are you learning to be another person?”

Duan Jia Xu laughs lowly: “Isn’t it taking a short cut?”

Qian Fei: “Is it effective?”

Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrow: “Indeed it’s ineffective.”

Qian Fei: “So what is your plan?”

Duan Jia Xu: “Let’s talk later.”

“You don’t afraid that girl likes another person ah?”

“Isn’t it common thing.” Duan Jia Xu says calmly: “It’s good for her to meet someone better.”

“How could you live like a monk?”


Qian Fei persuades patiently: “Shouldn’t you just be yourself? If you be other people, wouldn’t you be a substitute for other person? Bro, we are not that bad, how should we try to curry favor to another person?”

Duan Jia Xu says nothing.

Qian Fei: “Speak up, what kind of type man that girl like?”

This time Duan Jia Xu doesn’t hide anything. “Nan Hu Li Jing (Seductive foxy man).”


“According to my knowledge, he should be someone with flirtatious behavior, licentious, shameless.”

Qian Fei couldn’t help but to say: “Isn’t that you?”

“…..” Duan Jia Xu chokes and coughs several times, “What are you saying?”

“Let me ask you few things.” Qian Fei considers seriously and says honestly: “After all, I also never meet that girl. Think about it yourself, do you think that is it possible that young girl means you?”

Duan Jia Xu’s expression turns stiff.

“Woman always acts in duplicity.” Qian Fei is an experienced one, “You shouldn’t believe what she said. You should examine it by yourself. Have you ever meet that kind of man she said?”

Duan Jia Xu thinks about it.

Qian Fei: “The time I was in the university, I had ever be a fallback guy for a girl. Bro, do you remember? The girl from department of foreign languages. She broke up with his girlfriend and found me. She asked me to become someone that I am not.”

After a while.

Duan Jia Xu finally speaks up: “The possibility is not high.”


After several seconds, he mumbles: “But it’s possible?”

“Forget it, I’m so lazy to talk to you. My wife is calling me.” Qian Fei says: “Also, let me remind you. You are like what she said. You don’t need to be so deliberately act like that.”


“If not, it’ll be overexerting for yourself.”

“……” Duan Jia Xu says, “Wait.”


“Have you ever talked about this to anyone?”

Qian Fei laughs: “No, I have no time recently.”

“Don’t talk about this anymore,” Duan Jia Xu says slowly: “It’s rare chance for you to have worry. You should not tell another person….”


“This is quite grieve thing.”



The call ends.

Duan Jia Xu sits down in the living room for a while. He thinks of the words Sang Zhi said when she was drunk. Then he starts to recall the past matters.

It’s already long time so his memory is quite faded.

Last night he slept late, today he also woke up early. Duan Jia Xu feels a bit of headache. He stands up and stops to think about this matter again.

Duan Jia Xu returns back to his bedroom, he notices that his phone rings again. He takes a look at it.

He notices a new friend invitation, the remark: ” I am Jiang Ying.”

He covers his phone, just lays on his stomach on his bed and sleeps.

What wakes him up is his phone ringtone.

Duan Jia Xu sits up and looks that the sky outside has turned dark. The room is dark. His room is dark and there’s only a light from screen.

The caller ID shows an unknown number with Yi He city area code.

Duan Jia Xu looks at it for two seconds and answers it.

He immediately hears Jiang Ying’s sound of weeping. She seems drunk. “Duan Jia Xu, you finally answer my call…… I want to look for you and I should borrow someone else phone number.”


“I heard from Yuan Liang that you are pursuing a girl….. is it true?”

Duan Jia Xu says calmly: “Do you have problem?”

“I live my way this way, what is your right to think that nothing has happened?” Jiang Ying says: “I….. I forgive you okay? We, we….”

“Let me ask you something, Yuan Liang said that we are getting married? You are the one that spread this absurd rumor?” Duan Jia Xu cuts her off. He says sloppily: “Is it possible that you want me to marry you?”

It’s several seconds of silence.

Jiang Ying says: “Is it good?”

Duan Jia Xu immediately hangs up. He stands up and finds a thing to open up his sim card. He breaks it and throws it inside the trash bin.

His head is still in pain, his stomach is also in pain.

Duan Jia Xu goes to the bathroom.

He feels this is so disgusting. He bends his body and throws up. He opens the water tap and gargle. He also washes his face with cold water.

After a while.

He lifts up his head and looks at the mirror.

Suddenly he laughs.

Do you believe?

That in this age, someone still thinks.

That criminal charge should also be bear by those who associate with an offender.


In the second semester of the first-year, Sang Zhi has full classes; she has a full schedule. She has no free time except for the weekend.

Duan Jia Xu is also busy, he keeps on working overtime.

They both do their own thing, they basically just communicate through WeChat.

Though Ning Wei said those things to Sang Zhi, but Sang Zhi still feels nothing has changed and she doesn’t change herself.

In a flash, finally March has ended.

They both make an appointment to meet up for a meal together. After the class, Sang Zhi returns to the dorm and tidies up. The time she gets ready to go out and calls Duan Jia Xu, Duan Jia Xu calls her first.

Sang Zhi answers it while taking her lipstick out of her bag. She applies it lightly on her lip.

“Where are you now?” Duan Jia Xu says: “In my group suddenly, there’s a dinner party.”

Sang Zhi stops and guesses: “Then I don’t need to go out?”

Duan Jia Xu says lazily: “I am just asking for your opinion. If you don’t want to eat with them, then I’ll not go. Let’s eat at other place.”

“It’s okay.” Sang Zhi doesn’t really care. “Let’s go.”

“Then you can come out now, I’m outside.”

Sang Zhi hangs up and tidies up her hair. She looks at her face in the mirror and goes out. She walks toward the University entrance.

Duan Jia Xu is on the car.

Sang Zhi goes to his car and gets on the car. She greets him; “Jia Xu Ge.”

After a month of not meeting each other, Duan Jia Xu’s hair has grown longer. He somehow looks tired like he doesn’t have a good and enough sleep.

Duan Jia Xu: “Em.” He looks at her and starts to drive.

Sang Zhi: “Where is the dinner party?”

Duan Jia Xu: “Just at that previous hotpot place.”

Sang Zhi nods.

She doesn’t know what should she say, she lowers her head and plays with her phone. After a while, Duan Jia Xu takes initiative to chat. “Recently, are you busy with your class.”

“Right.” Sang Zhi says: “From Monday to Friday, I have a full schedule.”

“Remember to rest.”


After a while, Duan Jia Xu says casually: “Also, are you still looking for that Nan Hu Li Jing?”

“……” Sang Zhi doesn’t know how should she answer him. “Why are you asking this?”

Duan Jia Xu smiles: “I just ask it casually.”

Sang Zhi says nothing and plays with her phone.

Duan Jia Xu: “That person, is he someone from your university?”

Sang Zhi answers honestly: “No.”

“Then who is it?”

“…….” Looking at how he seem to not let this go, Sang Zhi feels afraid that she will make a slip. She switches off her phone and starts to make a lie: “I just, I just know him outside from the university.”

Duan Jia Xu: “Oh.”

Sang Zhi releases her breath and looks at the window.

Duan Jia Xu asks: “How do you know him?”


She feels suffocated.

Why does he have so many questions?

Sang Zhi tries to be bold and says while conforming with the norms of the society. “I get to know him when I hang out.”

Duan Jia Xu: “Then where did you know him?”

“It seems, it seems.” Sang Zhi hesitates: “At the bar, the bar near my University?”

Duan Jia Xu looks at the front and remembers something. He smiles and gives out a bait: “Really? How could I hear when you were drunk that you know him from KTV.”

“………” Sang Zhi is startled.

Is it true that she said it?


Sang Zhi is shocked that she couldn’t say anything, she doesn’t dare to look at him. She licks her lips and corrects herself: “oh, it seems indeed it’s in the KTV. I remember it wrongly.”

After several seconds.

Afterwards, Sang Zhi hears Duan Jia Xu suddenly laughs.

Sang Zhi immediately looks at him. She feels lack of confident: “What happened?”

Duan Jia Xu is still laughing, he looks like he is in a good mood. His eyes are glistening. “Nothing.”


“I just suddenly feel that, “Duan Jia Xu forces to not smile so happily, “Your Qian Fei Ge is quite smart.”



6 Replies to “Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 44”

  1. I get confused with all the back and forth and no progress being made! 😑
    Like, is it really so hard to let someone know you like them, or to ask for date? 🤦🏻‍♀️


    1. Broo, it’s really hard especially when they’re really important to you. I confessed to my bestfriend before. He told me he used to like me but the time I confessed he doesn’t feel the same anymore and only sees me as his bestfriend. We ended up avoiding each other for years until I have moved on and we became bestfriends again.

      And as SZ told Ning Wei, she would pursue him if he’s just some stranger, but he’s not. So she also need to consider lots of things.

      Liked by 18 people

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