Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 29

The airport is big and full of bright lights.

A lot of people are there. Various sounds and noises have covered her sobs. She feels that she is so miserable. She wants to find a hole to bury herself. She wants to stop her tears and pretends like nothing is going on.

She doesn’t expect this.

That woman is so beautiful and her words are gentle. She is an excellent woman. She should be a helpful one for his life and feeling. She is not like her, that always headstrong and rebellious. She always be his burden and brings troubles for him.

Since the beginning, she is just a particular surplus in his life.

She has no use.

He needs extra energy to take care of her even during his busy day.

Looking at how Sang Zhi tries hard to control her tears, Duan Jia Xu remembers the day he met her.

That time she was behaving unscrupulously and crying loudly. She had no worries. Her biggest trouble is his teacher’s request to call for her family members.

Is it really because she is growing up?

Or perhaps his words are too harsh.

Duan Jia Xu pursues his lips, he doesn’t bring any tissue so he uses his coat to wipe her tears. “Don’t cry. Ge Ge doesn’t feel it is troublesome.”


“It is cold here, wear the coat well.”

Sang Zhi just follows his words.

“It’s good that you could figure things out. It’s good that you know your mistake.” Duan Jia Xu says slowly. “Everyone is not angry with you, we are just worried that you will have a problem. So we are really worried. Okay?”

Sang Zhi lowers her head and chokes with sobs. “I know.”

“Stand up, go wash your face.” Duan Jia Xu looks at his phone. He looks like he is unwell. He coughs and continues: “Ge Ge will take you to have lunch first.”

Sang Zhi shakes her head lightly: “I am not hungry.”

“What you mean you are not hungry?” Duan Jia Xu stands up and says faintly: “For a man, you plan to go on hunger strike?”


“Xiao Hai.” Duan Jia Xu points at the toilet symbol. “The toilet is there, could you see it?”

Sang Zhi pauses for few seconds and nods.

“Go by yourself and wash your face.” Duan Jia Xu thinks about something. “Give me your identity card. Ge Ge will help you to ask for a ticket. Later on I’ll find you again. Don’t run anywhere else.”

Looking at this, the woman beside him says: “Let me take her there.”

Sang Zhi takes out her identity card from her bag and gives to him. She stands up and looks at that woman.

In a second, Duan Jia Xu says: “No need.”

Sang Zhi just goes to the toilet by herself. After few steps, she suddenly stops and looks back at them.

Sang Zhi watches those two people are standing there.

That woman is wearing a black dress, she has a great body. She is quite a tall woman, she probably a meter and seventy centimeter. She is wearing a high heels too. She is shorter a head by Duan Jia Xu. She is saying something to him. She smiles and pats on his arm.

Then Sang Zhi sees Duan Jia Xu also smiles to her.

She straightens her lips and looks forward again.

She gets into the toilet and sees herself on the mirror. Her eyes are red and swollen. Her nose are red. She has tear marks on her face. She lowers her head and washes her face repeatedly.

The cold water once more stimulates her tears.

She couldn’t clean her tears.

Beside her there’s an old Nai Nai (Old grandma) noticing her. “Xiao Gu Niang (Little lady), are you okay?”

Sang Zhi takes tissue and says. “The water is so cold.”

Her tears start to fall down again. “How could it be so cold….”

“Then don’t wash your face again wth it.” The old Nai Nai doesn’t think that it is a strange reason. She sighs and takes out a warm pack for her. “These two days are cold, you should remember to wear thicker cold.”

Sang Zhi doesn’t take it and just sobs. “No need, thank you Nai Nai.”

The Old Nai Nai says nothing else. She just leaves.

After a while, Sang Zhi forces to calm herself. She notices the coat on her body. She takes it off and holds it.

Duan Jia Xu has waited for her outside.

This time it’s only him. The woman is gone.

Sang Zhi approaches him.

Duan Jia Xu frowns when he notices his coat is on her hold. “Why are you taking this off?”

“I washed my face and was afraid that I’ll make this dirty.” Sang Zhi makes a lie. “I also don’t feel cold.”

She looks at Duan Jia Xu. “You just wear it.”

Duan Jia Xu just watches her for awhile, he sighs. “Is Ge Ge too harsh before?”

Sang Zhi shakes her head. “No.”

“Do all the little kids have bad memory?” Duan Jia Xu drapes the coat on her once again. “It’s just a year has passed. How could you treat me like a stranger?”


He says slowly: “You make Ge Ge feels heartbroken.”

Sang Zhi doesn’t know what should she say, she just changes the subject. “Is there any ticket?”

“Em, I already bought one at 02:00 p.m.” Duan Jia Xu gives her the boarding pass and identity card to her. “I already get the boarding pass for you. Let’s go eat first then I’ll send you to pass the security check.”

“Okay.” Sang Zhi says again: “how much is it?”

“It’s nothing much.” Duan Jia Xu takes off his tie and says casually. “What do you want to eat?”

Sang Zhi: “I’m okay with everything.”

Duan Jia Xu takes her to the McDonalds in the airport.

They just order randomly, like both of them have no appetite. He doesn’t mention about that woman or where does the woman go to. Sang Zhi has no courage to ask.

She is afraid to hear he says that woman is his girlfriend. She is afraid to losing her control.

Perhaps because he notices that her mood is not good, Duan Jia Xu teases her from time to time. His throat is a bit dry. He is coughing.

Sang Zhi couldn’t help but to ask. “You are sick?”

“Em.” Duan Jia Xu says: “I’m having a cold.”

Sang Zhi turns quiet and says: “Then remember to take your medicine.”

Duan Jia Xu laughs. “Thank you for Xiao Sang Zhi’s care.”

He then plays the box Sang Zhi gave him before. He asks. “Could Ge Ge open and see it?”

Sang Zhi bites her french fries and nods silently.

Inside it is a tie.

It is a black alternating with white stripe.

Duan Jia Xu doesn’t touch it and looks at it. He smiles and seems to be happy. “Thank you Xiao Sang Zhi. Receiving this present makes Ge Ge feels happy too though I get a year older.

Sang Zhi just “Em.” And very quickly, she takes tissue to wipe her hand. She takes out all her cash and stuffs it inside the pocket of the coat.

They both sit down there for a while.

When it’s almost the time for her to go inside, Duan Jia Xu stands up and sends Sang Zhi off to the security check. He says ot her. “Go home and listen well to Shu Shu and A Yi’s words. Study well, don’t be unhappy because of this thing again.

Sang Zhi takes off her coat and returns it to him. “I know.”

She pauses for few seconds, then she says: “Jia Xu Ge, you don’t need to tell me.”

— If you are dating, you don’t need to tell me.

Duan Jia Xu doesn’t understand what she means. “Em?”

Sang Zhi doesn’t explain, she just forces a smile and goes toward the security check. Then she waves her hand toward him. “Then I hope that you will be happy everyday.”


Because the window seats are sold out, Sang Zhi sits on the aisle seat. She doesn’t cry. On the plane, she asks for a blanket with the air stewardess. She covers her head and falls asleep.

She has a dream.

She dreams that the time she meets Duan Jia Xu, she isn’t thirteen years old girl, yet she is eighteen years.

She dreams that he dream comes true.

She dreams that her silent crush is fulfilled.


The plane takes off safely.

Sang Zhi switches on her phone and calls Sang Yan. After several hours, his anger has dispersed. He is calm. “You come to the T2 exit. I’m waiting for you there.”

She says: “oh.” And starts to walk there.

There she notices Sang Yan’s figure. He is in the call.

Sang Yan comes toward her and examines her face. He wants to say something but he doesn’t. He says lightly: “Forget it, I’ll not scold you. Go home.”


“Ma has helped you to ask for a day off with Lao Shi.” Sang Yan’s tone is not really good. “When you are home, I will not help you no matter how Pa Ma scold you. Because I also want to scold you.”


“You now are really….”

He hasn’t finished his words and he could listen Sang Zhi is inhaling.

Sang Yan stops and looks at her. He sighs and opens his arms big. “Hey, Xiao Gui.”


“Don’t cry. What is so worst about being heartbroken.” Sang Yan says. “Come here, let Ge Ge hug you.”


The time they reach home, Sang Rong and Li Ping are not home yet.

She goes into her bedroom and looks at the dolls. All the presents from Duan Jia Xu and the milk bottle are placed by her near the window. She looks at her broken piggy bank.

She stands up and takes off the Yi He university’s photo on the wall.

She looks at it for a while.

Then her tears start to fall down. One by one.

She once again replays the image of the smiling Duan Jia Xu with that woman.

She wipes her tears. Because she is controlling her sobbing sound, her whole body is trembling hard. She raises her head and slowly sticks the photo back. She then takes out the paper where she wrote her dream.

She takes a pencil and quickly crosses out the second one.

The unfilled dream.

She should give it up.

The man that she likes since she was thirteen years old.

Her silent crush since she was thirteen years old.

Since that time, she always dreams to grow up faster, to be with him.

Today Sang Zhi realizes.

Perhaps even when she is a real grown-up, he would be someone else.

Or perhaps when she is a real grown-up, he would still see her as a kid. A kid that will never grow up.


Sang Zhi starts to reduce her frequency to be in touch with Duan Jia Xu.

He still sends her gift for every festivals. For every examinations, he will also ask her about the result. Sang Zhi will reply him, but she will not answer his call.

The time he asks about it, she will use an excuse “she is too busy” and mislead him.

On the festival days or his birthday, Sang Zi will take initiative to send her a message. After all, this man really fonds of her like his own Mei Mei.

She couldn’t completely make him disappear.

She also couldn’t cease of contact with him.

Sang Zhi never asks for news about Duan Jia Xu, she also blocks him from her Moments (A part of Wechat, where someone will post photos, musics, or links). She puts all her energy on her study. At grade 11, she chooses join science department, she also registers to join board at school. She is so busy that she even forgets to bring her phone.

Her achievement is so great that puts her in advanced position.

Her features are developing and changing too. Her chin has changed to be more pointy. Her eyes are big and bright. Her skin is milky white, her lips are rosy. The time she smiles, her dimples will be shown. She is cute and beautiful.

She has a skinny body and now she is hundred and sixty five centimeters.

Sang Zhi is popular in her school. Because of her beauty, some people thinks that she is the muse of the school. Her homeroom teacher always praises her to everyone.

Because of this, a lot of people knows about her as female scholar-lord.

She always gets a full mark for physics.

She has great marks and looks so pretty.

She turns to the ‘goddess’ of the school.

Sang Zhi frequently notices unfamiliar people send her bottles of milk or snacks. On her drawer, there are lots of love letter. The time she returns to her dorm, sometimes male students will stop her and confess.

She always refuses and returns all the things. After a while, thing is calming down.

During her Grade 12, a sport student starts to pursue her. Every time when the sport is done, he will come and give her a lot of snacks. After the evening class, he will come and pick her up.

She doesn’t want to mind her. Yet at a moment, she notices that this man’s voice and tone are similiar with Duan Jia Xu. So she doesn’t decline firmly to him.

After two weeks.

The sport male student confesses his feeling to her.

His voice sounds like Duan Jia Xu. But his tone is nervous.

Sang Zhi never hears Duan Jia Xu says words with that tone.

That time she just realizes that based on Duan Jia Xu’s teaching, she shouldn’t do hurtful thing. She seriously rejects him.

She feels that she is too bad at falling in love.

When she likes someone, it’s hard for her to like another person.

She shouldn’t be with someone just because he resembles the man that she likes. She shouldn’t take him as a substitute.

Thinking about Duan Jia Xu, she seems to not feel that sad. Because from her few memories of him him, the gloomy one is only one; their last meeting.

The other memories are bright and brings colors to her life.

It’s lively and beautiful.


On June, Sang Zhi’s college entrance examination result is out. She has a steady and great mark. She could enter any university she wants.

Her family wishes that she could register to Nan Wu University, they don’t wish her to go far away.

Sang Zhi considers for long time. At last, she registers to Yi He University.

Her thinking is different from before. The only reason is she wants to sign up for mass-media art department. This department is ranked better at Yi He university.

When she registers there, Sang Zhi doesn’t bring too many suitcases. She just brings her backpack and a suitcase.

At first Sang Rong wanted Sang Yan to accompany her but Sang Zhi feels it is unnecessary. She tries to convince them that she could do it by herself and they let her go over by herself.

Sang Yan says to let Duan Jia Xu picks her up but Sang Zhi also declines.

She says that it’s been a long time since their last meeting. She doesn’t feel good to trouble him.

Sang Zhi gets off the plane and goes out of the airport. She takes the bus, which specifically for the new students coming to Yi He university. Under the leading of seniors she could finish all the administration by herself. She registers herself, takes a key to the dorm and buys her necessities.

She greets her roommates and starts to be familiar with them.

She joins the military training and after that she starts to take class. She also joins the mass organization activities. She is living her dream. She does everything, except one thing.

Her previous motive to come to Yi He.

It seems in process, it turns out to become unimportant thing.


In the middle of October, Sang Zhi’s roommate has a birthday. So she and a group of people take a metro to seafood restaurant to have a meal. Because it’s still early, they decide to go to nearby KTV to sing.

Tomorrow it is Saturday so there is no curfew.

Compared with singing, they are drinking more.

Sang Zhi stays away from it, but still she is poured several glasses.

The small room consists of more than people. Sang Zhi is getting flush from drinking easily. Very quickly she feels hot and depressed. She feels it’s too noisy and annoying. She makes an excuse to go to the restroom and runs outside to breath freely.

Except the front door, this KTV also has a small door. She goes out of the small door to a passageway. It is connected to the nearby supermarket and KFC.

The air outside is a bit cool but it is cozy.

The light on the passageway seems to be broken as it keeps on flashing.

Sang Zhi leans on the fence and wants to take her phone out of her pocket to play. But she notices something additional on her pocket.

She doesn’t hold it tight so it falls down to the ground.

She looks over and notices it is a lady’s cigarette box.

Sang Zhi wants to go over and picks it up, but suddenly she notices a man is standing nearby the cigarette. He is wearing a simple white shirt.

From her point of view, she could see that man’s side-face. That man is leaning on the wall and smoking.

She feels that he looks familiar.

Yet she doesn’t want to guess.

She thinks that that cigarette box should be her roommate’s, she puts it inside her pocket. She pursues her lis and goes forward two steps and wants to pick it up.

This time, that man moves.

He bends his waist and helps her to pick it up.

Sang Zhi could see his face clearly.

His eyes, evil face.

She watches him looking at the cigarette box and look at her. He raises his eyebrows and says slowly: “Xiao Sang Zhi?”

Just once upon a time in the past.


2 Replies to “Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 29”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: