Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 28

The graduation ceremony is held at the gymnasium.

It is not started yet so most of people are still outside and taking photos. Duan Jia Xu is a friendly person, he is a good tempered man so a lot of people are asking to take photos together with him. He has no time to care of Sang Zhi.

Sang Zhi doesn’t want to affect him so she wants to find her parents. Yet because there’re lots of people, she couldn’t find them.

Duan Jia Xu is afraid that she will lose her way, he is afraid that she will be squeezed. So at last he just simply takes her with him. He asks her to stay by his side and not run anywhere.

He also doesn’t care if she is in the photo.

Sang Zhi feels like she is his ‘tail’. She watches him silently from the corner of her eyes.

Today Duan Jia Xu is wearing his black robe. He looks skinny and tall.

Sang Zhi feels that a lot of women are watching him.

Because he doesn’t feel comfortable, Duan Jia Xu doesn’t wear his hat. He just brings it. Afterwards, he notices the sun is too strong. He places the hat on Sang Zhi’s head.

The hat is a bit big so it always falls down. On Sang Zhi’s head, the hat blocks her view.

Duan Jia Xu notices that and immediately holds her arm and says: “What are you thinking? You want me to hold it for you?”

Sang Zhi: “Oh.”

She tries to arrange the hat.

But it always falls down so she just takes it off and returns it to Duan Jia Xu. “Ge Ge, I will not wear it again.”

“Em?” Duan Jia Xu lowers his head to look at her. “Aren’t you feel it hot?”

“Em.” Sang Zhi is depressed. “But it keeps on falling down.”

“Stand in front of Ge Ge.”

Sang Zhi follows his order, she asks: “What are you doing?”

Duan Jia Xu raises his head and fixes the hat. He smiles. “Ge Ge helps you to wear it.”


“How could I let our Xiao Sang Zhi feel hot?”

Duan Jia Xu holds the bouquet of flowers and lets Sang Zhi to wear the hat.

Someone comes over and asks. Duan Jia Xu just laughs and answers. “This is my Mei Mei.”

Just like that Sang Zhi with her identity as “Mei Mei (little sister), shows up at most of Duan Jia Xu’s graduation photos. She never sees the photos but she is embarrassed to ask him for it.

Luckily today she is wearing a very pretty dress.


After the graduation ceremony, Sang Zhi goes home with her parents.

Sang Yan and Duan Jia Xu follows their friends to eat. That night Sang Yan just comes home at 12:00 p.m. He brings Duan Jia Xu home too with him.

Strictly speaking, it should be Duan Jia Xu that sends Sang Yan home.

That time Sang Zhi is asleep but she wakes up because of the noise. She is curious so she goes out of her bedroom.

She goes to the living room and notices Sang Yan is sitting down on the sofa. It’s clear that he is drunk. Sang Rong is scolding Sang Yan and talks to Duan Jia Xu.

Li Ping is in the kitchen, she is cooking a soup for sobering up.

Sang Rong notices Sang Zhi. “Zhi Zhi, you are awake because of the noise?”

Sang Zhi rubs her eyes and shakes her head silently.

“Look at your Ge, he is so drunk!” Sang Rong frowns. “Oh right, Zhi Zhi. today this Ge Ge will sleep at our house. Go and find him a new towel and toothbrush.”

Duan Jia Xu immediately declines: “No need to trouble you guys.”

“What you mean to trouble us.” Sang Rong pats his shoulder. “Go wash your face and get ready to sleep. You should be tired today.”

In a next moment, Sang Zhi comes to her side. “Ge Ge, follow me, I’ll give it to you.”

Duan Jia Xu doesn’t decline anymore, he nods and says: “Then thank you for your hospitality.”

Sang Zhi takes Duan Jia Xu to Sang Yan’s bedroom and gives him a set of pajamas. Then she says: “Ge Ge, I don’t know where the underwear is, should I ask my Ma?”

“…..” Duan Jia Xu says, “You could just give me a new towel and toothbrush.”

“Oh.” Sang Zhi brings him to the bathroom and points out a cupboard. “It’s there, you could take it by yourself.”


“Ge Ge,” Sang Zhi goes out of the bathroom and suddenly she turns her head and asks. “Are you drinking alcohol?”

Duan Jia Xu: “No.”

“Really?” Sang Zhi looks at his face and hesitates. “If you are drunk, I could ask another bowl of soup from my Mama.”

“I am not.” Duan Jia Xu laughs. “Ge Ge doesn’t drink.”

She thinks about it and says again. “Ge Ge, there is shampoo, hair conditioner, shower gel, cleansing lotion, and razor. You could everything.”

Duan Jia Xu strokes Sang Zhi’s head and smiles.

“Okay, Ge Ge knows. Thank you Xiao Sang Zhi.”

Sang Zhi nods and goes out of the bathroom.

She notices that inside the living room, there’s only Sang Yan alone. Sang Rong is inside the kitchen helping Li Ping.

Sang Zhi thinks about something and runs toward Sang Yan’s side. She pokes his arm. “Ge Ge.”

Sang Yan opens his eyes with great effort. “What?”

“Go to your room and find a new underwear.” Sang Zhi says . “Jia Xu Ge is showering, you go and give him one.”



Sang Yan says: “It’s in the small cupboard inside my wardrobe, go and give it to him.”

Sang Zhi is at unease. “……..How could you ask me to take it?”

Sang Yan closes his eyes again and ignores her.

Looking at how Sang Yan feels unwell, Sang Zhi doesn’t say anything else to him. She looks at the empty glass on the coffee table. She pours another warm water for him. “Ge Ge, drink the water.”

Sang Yan doesn’t say anything else.

“Remember to drink it.” She stands up and mumbles. “You have nothing happened, why are you drinking so much alcohol?”

Sang Zhi returns to Sang Yan’s bedroom and opens the small cupboard inside the wardrobe. She takes a clean underwear. She scratches her head and goes toward the bathroom door. She knocks.

The water stops. “Someone is knocking the door?”

“Ge Ge, I……. I hang it in front of the door. You could take it by yourself.”

She says it and immediately returns to her bedroom.

Then she doesn’t come out again. She could hear the noise outside that last around an hour. Sang Zhi finally falls asleep.

The time she wakes up, she is so thirsty.

The sky is still dark.

Sang Zhi gets up and plans to go to the living room to pour a glass of water.

She is afraid to disturb her parents so she moves lightly. She takes a glass of water and plans to return back to her bedroom. The time she passes the living room, she suddenly notices that someone is on the balcony.

Sang Zhi stops.

She recognizes it is Duan Jia Xu.

He is sitting on the chair on the balcony. He is smoking. He seems not to notice her.

Sang Zhi couldn’t make out his expression. He looks like he is in a bad mood.

Sang Zhi hesitates for a while and comes over.

Very quickly, Duan Jia Xu notices her. He immediately smiles. “Why aren’t you sleeping?

Sang Zhi opens the French window slowly and asks: “Ge Ge, you couldn’t sleep?”

Duan Jia Xu throws away his cigarette and says: “Em, Ge Ge is having difficulties sleeping in a bed other than my own.”

“You should lay down for a while then you could sleep.” Sang Zhi says. “If not you could sleep on the sofa inside my Ge’s bedroom. I remember you use to sleep there.”

“Okay.” Duan Jia Xu says gently. “It’s late, go back and sleep.”

Sang Zhi doesn’t move, she asks: “Ge Ge, are you in a bad mood?”

Duan Jia Xu: “Em, a bit.”

Sang Zhi is silent for few seconds and doesn’t ask the reason. “Then let me pour you a glass of water.”

She is about to go out but then Duan Jia Xu calls after her.

Perhaps because it’s late at night, he has an urge to spill out his feeling.

“Xiao Sang Zhi, let Ge Ge tells you a little secret.” Duan Jia Xu looks at her. “Ge Ge has a creditors, a lot debts.”

“……..” Sang Zhi looks back at him. “You owe a lot of money?”

Duan Jia Xu smiles and says: “Not money.”

He thinks about it and says: “You could say it is money too.”

“A lot?” Sang Zhi doesn’t know what should she say, she could only say. “Don’t worry Ge Ge. When I grow up, I will earn money and help you to return it together.”

Duan Jia Xu is startled, then he laughs.

This time Sang Zhi feels that his mood has turned better.

After a while, he pinches Sang Zhi’s cheek lightly. “Thank you, Xiao Sang Zhi. But those aren’t Ge Ge’s debt. No need Xiao Sang Zhi to help Ge Ge to return it.”


“Xiao Sang Zhi later on if you earn money.” Duan Jia Xu says. “You should buy a pretty dress for yourself to wear.”


The next day, Duan Jia Xu takes the earliest flight back to Yi HE.

Sang Zhi thinks that this time is his last time to come to Nan Wu because he has no other reasons to come back. He has entered the society.

In the beginning of July, Sang Zhi’s entrance examination for senior high school is out. She has smoothly gotten into the best senior high school. Before the semester starts, she receives a new schoolbag from Duan Jia Xu.

It is her award to enter the best senior high school.

In fact Duan Jia Xu is at a very far distance from her.

But sometimes she feels that he is everywhere.

On the first day of the senior high school, Sang Zhi notices that Fu Zheng Chu also gets into the same high school as her. He also in the same class as her. It’s been a long time since they talked with each other. She thinks about Fu Zheng Chu’s last confession so she doesn’t feel well to take initiative to talk with him.

But Fu Zheng Chu comes over to greet her, he seems to not holding any grudge.

Sang Zhi is relived.

The winter vacation of the Grade 10.

Fu Zheng Chu seizes a chance of doing the homework together to ask Sang Zhi out. Compared to last time, he is much bolder than before.

“Sang Zhi, I like you. It’s okay if you are willing to be my girlfriend now. If not, I’ll ask you again in three years.”

Hearing this makes Sang Zhi is at loss.

Her first response, she unexpectedly recalls what happened when she was thirteen years old, the time Fu Zheng Chu confessed toward her and Duan Jia Xu appeared. Duan Jia Xu taught her.

–” During puberty it is normal to have that kind of thought, but you also shouldn’t hurt anyone. You should thank him for liking you. Then refuse.”

It’s a moment of silence.

“Thank you for liking me.” Sang Zhi looks at his eyes and says seriously. “But I have someone that I like so I couldn’t accept you.”


“You are a good man. Thank you.”

Fu Zheng Chu scratches his head and sighs. “I just know that I will be rejected again.”

Sang Zhi feels awkward.

“At first I didn’t plan to continue to like you.” Fu Zheng Chu, “but dammit, I couldn’t find someone prettier than you. What should I do?”


“Forget it.” Fu Zheng Chu thinks about it and asks: “Could I know who is the one that you lke?”

Sang Zhi shakes her head silently.

Fu Zheng Chu: “Is he more handsome than me?”

She remembers that Duan Jia Xu said “Don’t hurt anyone.” , Sang Zhi waves her hand and says: “Don’t ask anymore.”



Sang Zhi thinks that things will go as it should be.

Her silent crush will keep on going.

She thinks that as long she works hard, she would get into Yi He University. Then three years after she will go to Duan Jia Xu’s city.

But in life things alway change.

It will not change in a way she expects and wants.

During Grade 10’s vacation, Sang Zhi gets an information from Sang Yan.

That time she is on her way to the bathroom, she passes Sang Yan’s room and hears that he is on a phone with his friend. He says: “Wow, Duan Jia Xu has a girlfriend?”

Sang Zhi stops.

She never hears Sang Yan mentions about Duan Jia Xu anymore.

Her mind goes blank and she stands there for a while.

Sang Zhi doesn’t return to her room, she goes to her living room and pretends to watch the television. Then the time Sang Yan comes out of the room, she pretends to be casual. “Ge Ge, is Jia Xu Ge dating?”

“Ah?” Sang Yan takes out an apple out of the fridge. “It looks like it.”

Sang Zhi’s eyes are on the television. She just says: “Em.” and says nothing else.

After Sang Yan returns to his own room, she switches off the television and returns to her own bedroom. Sang Zhi takes out her phone and opens up her WeChat. She looks for Duan Jia Xu.

She pursues her lips and types words.

— Ge Ge, I heard from my Ge, you are dating someone?

Sang Zhi watches the screen for a while. At last she just erases everything.

She lays down there for a while and looks at the dolls, which are given by Duan Jia Xu. She feels sad.

It should be a fake news.

It should be a lie.

Sang Zhi looks at the photo of Yi He University on her wall. She rubs her eyes and tries to forget about that matter. She gets up from her bed and tries to study.

She had said to him before.

If he wants to find a girlfriend, he would give her a look first.

He promised her.

He would tell her.

Though Sang Zhi always thinks that way, but for several days, she couldn’t focus on her lessons. She always thinks of what Sang Yan said. The time she looks at a couple, she would remember about Duan Jia Xu.

She thinks that when he is dating, would he be like that?

A gentle man right him, definitely will be good toward his girlfriend.

But Sang Zhi doesn’t dare to ask.

She feels tired for dragging it.

In the end of April, Sang Zhi does an outstanding thing in her sixteen years of living.

That day Sang Zhi runs home after the school. She breaks open the piggy bank, which she prepared for Duan Jia Xu. She takes out all the money and runs toward her parents’ room to take her identity card.

Then she goes to the ticket sales counter nearby to buy the ticket to go to Yi He the next day. The next day, she brings her backpack and says goodbye to her parents as she usually does. Then she leaves.

Sang Zhi doesn’t take her usual bus. She goes to the nearby KFC and changes her clothes. Then she takes a taxi to Nan Wu airport.

It’s the first time for her to get on the airplane.

It’s her first time to go to that far place.

After three hours, she arrives at Yi He airport.

Before coming here, Sang Zhi doesn’t check on the weather forecast. Yi He is much colder than Nan Wu. She just wears a sweatshirt. She feels so cold that she trembles. She turns on her phone.

There are more than ten missed-calls.

It’s all from her family members.

Sang Zhi feels guilty and scared. She finds Sang Yan’s phone number and calls him.

It’s answered. Sang Yan sounds worried.

“Sang Zhi?”

Sang Zhi: “Em.”

Sang Yan: “Where are you? Your Lao Shi said that you aren’t at school. What time is it?”

“Ge Ge.” Sang Zhi says slowly: “I am at Yi He City.”


Sang Zhi lies: “My ‘internet boyfriend’ asks me to come.”

“…………” It’s a silence, Sang Yan seems to hold his anger. “Where are you now in Yi He?”


“Find a place to stay. I will let Duan Jia Xu to come over now.” Sang Yan says coldly. “If yo dare to find your so-called ‘internet boyfriend’. Watch whether I will beat you or not when you are back.”


Sang Zhi lowers her head and gets inside the airport again.

She finds a seat to sit down. She is frustrated. She knows that she is wrong, she is wrong that she makes her family members worry.

But she couldn’t control it anymore.

Sang Zhi continues to answer calls from Sang Rong and Li Ping. She hears that they are worried and angry with her. Yet they don’t scold her much, they ask her to be careful.

After a while, her phone rings again.

This time it is a call from Duan Jia Xu.

She answers it.

Duan Jia Xu: “Where are you?”

He clearly sounds angry and cold.

Sang Zhi looks around and says: “The seats near T3 exit.”

Very quickly Sang Zhi sees Duan Jia Xu appears in front of her.

It seems it’s already a year since their last meeting. He looks much more mature, he is wearing a shirt with blue suit.

He looks worried and rushing to come here.

Sang Zhi shifts her gaze and notices a very beautiful woman beside him.

She immediately looks down.

Duan Jia Xu looks at her. He releases his breath and walks faster toward her. He kneels down in front of her and drapes his coat on her. He says nothing.

Sang Zhi couldn’t say anything, she could see that woman’s fresh red high heels.

Duan Jia Xu laughs angrily: “Your ‘internet boyfriend’?”


“Don’t you remember what I said to you?” Duan Jia Xu sounds cold. “Sang Zhi, how old are you now? How dare you run over this far away place?”

Sang Zhi raises her head and looks at Duan Jia Xu. She then looks at that beautiful woman. She wants to say something but she couldn’t.

She wants to ask.

Is it true that he has a girlfriend now?

Is it true that he will be someone else?

Didn’t you tell me that you will tell me?

Is it because you think I’m young so it’s okay to lie to me?

Are you lying to me?

But Sang Zhi doesn’t dare to ask him.

That beautiful woman couldn’t help but to say. “Jia Xu, don’t be too hard on this young girl.”

Duan Jia Xu pretends like he doesn’t hear her, his gaze is fixed on Sang Zhi.

Sang Zhi sobs and says slowly; “I’m sorry.”

Duan Jia Xu asks: “He asked you to come over?”

Sang Zhi: “I want to come over by myself.”

“You have met him?”

“Em.” Sang Zhi says lowly: “He dislikes me to be that young.”

“….. He is gone?” Duan Jia Xu turns calm.


“Sang Zhi, what he does is right. Now you are too young.” Looking at her miserable state, Duan Jia Xu’s anger just disappears. “It’s inappropriate okay?”

Sang Zhi looks at him, her eyes are red. “But I will grow up.”

She repeats: “I will grow up…..”

“Then let’s wait till you are a grown-up okay?”

“He would.” Sang Zhi’s tears fall down, she couldn’t help but to sob. “He would like someone else.”

She couldn’t stop it.

Sang Zhi suddenly remembers last year when he was in his house and smoking. That time he looked lonely and in despair.

Now he has someone beside him.

She knows she shouldn’t be that selfish.

He is a good man.

He should be worthy to have someone to be his companion.

Why should he wait for her.

In two years, he also will be twenty five years old. If he meets the right person, he would consider to marry. He shouldn’t be alone for lots of years. That way he wouldn’t be happy.

Looking at her current situation, Duan Jia Xu doesn’t know how to comfort her. He just strokes her head and says: “Wait till our Xiao Sang Zhi is a grown up, you definitely will meet a much better person.”

It’s a several seconds of silence.

Sang Zhi takes out a box and pursues her lips.

On top of the box, it is written “Ge Ge”. Sang Zhi lowers her head and says “Jia Xu Ge.”


“I have prepared a birthday present to you.” Sang Zhi says. “I also bring it for you.”

Duan Jia Xu is startled. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry to trouble you. In the future, I will not do this again.” Sang Zhi’s tears are still pouring down. She couldn’t help but to shiver “…… I want to wait here for my Ge Ge to come.”

Silent crush, it supposedly to be the sweetest in the world but also the most painful thing.

Sang Zhi remembers that she had written her two dreams when she was in Grade 11.

She is working hard to achieve it.

But then she realizes.

It turns out it is possible for dream to be unfulfilled.

In her first experience of falling in love, she realizes a treasure.

But the most regretful thing is she couldn’t be with that treasure.


9 Replies to “Secretly, Secretly; But Unable to Hide it (偷偷藏不住) by Zhu Yi (竹已)~ Chapter 28”

  1. I am sad for her. But well… It is normal that he didn’t consider her. He is not a pervert. When she is an adult, it is not an issue anymore that their age gap is big. 7 years is not too big either anyhow. My hubby and me is 9 years gap..
    However at the moment they knew each others she has just started her puberty, she just got her first period…
    It would be weird if he had any interest in her, he could even be called pedophile for that.
    She should hope that they are fated in the future, that is all she can do now.

    Liked by 12 people

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